10 Purchases That Let Everyone Know You Have a Small Penis

I think it was Aesop of Aesop’s Fables fame who said that if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again. Well, it was either Aesop or Aaliyah—I often get them confused. In any case, a while back, our esteemed EIC emailed me to ask me to write an admittedly dumb, but entertaining piece entitled “10 Purchases That Let Everyone Know You Have a Small Penis”. I opted out at the time because I envisioned people leaving comments like, “Sounds like you’re the one with the small dick, AMIRITE LADIES?” or “tl;dr,” which I tend to get a lot and only just recently found out didn’t mean “true love; dateme realquick.”

But here I am, finally following through on the original request. So, let that be a lesson to you people out there with tiny johnsons. Just because you don’t get what you want in life the first time around, if you ask again, you just might get it. I mean, probably not in your case, but at least you’ve got a positive outlook. With that said, let's talk overcompensation.

Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.