10 Purchases That Let Everyone Know You Have a Small Penis

I think it was Aesop of Aesop’s Fables fame who said that if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again. Well, it was either Aesop or Aaliyah—I often get them confused. In any case, a while back, our esteemed EIC emailed me to ask me to write an admittedly dumb, but entertaining piece entitled “10 Purchases That Let Everyone Know You Have a Small Penis”. I opted out at the time because I envisioned people leaving comments like, “Sounds like you’re the one with the small dick, AMIRITE LADIES?” or “tl;dr,” which I tend to get a lot and only just recently found out didn’t mean “true love; dateme realquick.”

But here I am, finally following through on the original request. So, let that be a lesson to you people out there with tiny johnsons. Just because you don’t get what you want in life the first time around, if you ask again, you just might get it. I mean, probably not in your case, but at least you’ve got a positive outlook. With that said, let's talk overcompensation.

Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.

  • Asking for a friend

    Link to penis pump?

  • uMadBro?

    Can’t wait to see the angry comments from all the people who take this just way too seriously.

  • r

    lol, the loofa is the worst part..i just didn’t get that one. Don’t see how that is connected to your penis size..

    • http://www.evilmerino.tumblr.com/ Evil Merino

      How is the “Axe Detailer Shower Tool” not the most obvious sign of the tiniest of mushroom tips? Now I’m like 100% positive you own like 5.

  • Brasileiro

    “surrendering at war, certain things are meant to stay in Europe.”…why America stays losing

  • http://theatlas.co/ The Atlas

    What is this, Complex? I don’t want to read 10 stupid segments holmes, stick to individual articles IMO