The Twelve Days Of Striking Out With Girls

Have you ever tried to land a girl who’s not that into you? For most of us guys, a couple of discouraging “K” or “You remind me of my brother” or “Sorry, I have a boyfriend” texts will be enough reason for us to throw in the towel. You’ll dismiss her as “definitely a lesbian” and move on to someone else. But every once in a while, you’ll find a girl who you don’t want to give up on so easily. She’s worth fighting for. She’s “the one” you tell yourself. You channel your sixth grade gym teacher who told you, “Winners never quit and quitters never win! Now climb that rope before I cut bacon off your back, chub scout!” (Maybe he was kind of a dick in retrospect). All you know is, you’re going to make her fall in love with you or die tryin’ (that’s a 50 cent song, right?). No matter how many times she ignores you or changes her phone number or files a retraining order, you just figure, “she’s just playing hard to get.” So you get out there and put it all out on the line, romancing like your life depended on it. Maybe the stuff you’re doing is a little crazy, but at least you’ll have a crazy story to tell your grandchildren forty years from now. Let's she how this will play out, sung to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas"...

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.

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  • Jerms

    I laughed at the DMX part, but this got dark real fast.

  • BOOOOger

    Booo this man!


  • jendres

    In near tears of laughter.

  • Fat James Carter aka “Stephen”

    y’all motherfuckers need to get off dis comedy shit and start postin about clothes