20 Douchebags More Likely To Get Laid Than You

Going home alone sucks. But hey, it's not like you're the only dude out there who's not getting laid. OH WAIT! You totally are the only dude out there who's not getting laid. Literally every single person around you is getting his knob slobbed right now at this very moment, especially the scumbags. You know who I'm talking about—complete pieces of shit have that certain je ne sais quoi that makes them irresistible to every girl that you've ever been even remotely interested in.

Not that it will help you at all, but think I found each and every douchebag that is going to get his pee-pee wet before you do. Prepare to get extremely cuckolded on a very emotional level.

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.