The 12 Types Of People You Meet In SoHo

Image via Complex Original

Hipsters

The quintessential SoHo-ite. Being a SoHo hipster means that the person in question is FUCKING LOADED. They should be uptown with the rest of their prep school classmates, but they’re going through a rebellious phase because their dad just told them they won't be getting their inheritance until they turn 19, and not 18 like originally planned.

Blipsters

Blipsters are black hipsters, but not all black hipsters are blipsters. Blipsters usually run in a pack. They love taking artistic photos and will always bow while in the presence of The Black Ivy. You’ll usually hear them talking about how they knew A$AP Rocky before he was famous and they don’t like him now.

Unattainable Blogger/PR Chicks

You’ve seen her on Refinery 29 when your “girlfriend was checking it” or running the door at the fashion event you didn't get invited to. She’s absolutely legit, as faboo as she looked on the computer screen she does in real life. Without a single hair out of place, she’s carries four Aritzia bags and some Melissa’s cupcakes she'll never eat, all the while talking to her boss/equally unattainable friends on her cellular.

Tourists

The people you want to punch square in the back of the head because apparently they don’t know how to walk in Uzbekistan. Walking in SoHo with these people will have you feeling like Barry Sanders—all jukin’ and spinning and giving stiff arms to people’s domes because they've never heard of a steady pace.

The Supreme Douchebag

This kid has been waiting in line for the past 3 days and smells like pure water trash. Even though he’s been camping for these hoodies he still has to call his mom hourly to check in with her because she's picking him up before dinner.

The Saturdays Douchebag

He’s good looking, doesn’t have a real job, drinks eight cups of soy latte without getting diarrhea and is Tumblr famous. He’s everything you want to be when you (don't) grow up.

Awkward Coffee Date Couple

They met on J Date and are “just looking for some fun,” or at least that’s what their profiles say. You cringe as you shamelessly eavesdrop on their insufferable conversation and listen to them play 21 questions, all the while thanking god you are single.

High-End Fashion Models

This dude is just walking around in an ultra-deep scoop neck, a pair of Seven jeans and those gross Chuck Taylors with the really thin sole. Not one to ever take his Ray-Ban aviators off, he’ll usually just hang out on a bench with a couple of bottles of wheat grass looking cool, while he’s doing this week's cleanse. He's getting laid tonight, no question.

Street Vendors

This is fucking SoHo, people. Street vendors ain’t selling no Nuts 4 Nuts like these other peasants. You can usually catch them yelling something insanely bourgeois like, "ICE COLD COCONUTS!" A handcut coconut on the spot complete with a crazy straw for your sipping pleasure? Only in SoHo.

Kanye West

When he's in NYC, SoHo is where you'll find him. Ask for his room number at the front desk of The Mercer.

Struggle Mixtape Rappers

My mans has a shockproof Walkman cd player in one hand and a pair of headphones in the other. Dude will ask you to stop whatever it is you are doing and hit you with the “2 for 5 purple tops” after you turn down a burned copy of his marvelous symphony. If you're a polite person you don't stand a chance. You best bet? Practice your Matrix maneuvers.

Corny Street Style Photographers

Usually a couple little Japanese dudes somersaulting over trash and shit trying to get the perfect shot of someone probably not famous and definitely not stylish. Whatever you do, don’t get in their shot, lest they give you the dolphin treatment.

Theophilus London

If you’re in SoHo you’ll probably see this asshole twice a day. He usually hits up Duane Reade to pick up his grooming products then walks around for the rest of the day looking for Ben Ferrari to shoot his ridiculous outfit. If you ever try to say what’s up to him he’ll completely ignore you, unless you’re a girl, in which case he will tell you everything he does in order to impress you. Theophilus, you’ve been around for, like, four years and have two good songs, get the fuck over yourself.