2013: Year Of The White Girl 2.0

Last week, the collective Internet watched in enthralled horror as Amanda Bynes shamelessly announced to the world her desire to have Aubrey "Drake" Graham murder her vagina. We marveled, aghast, at the destruction the same way we do sitting shotgun, recklessly rubbernecking to see a flaming twenty car pileup, charred devastation strewn about the guardrail. While everyone joked at the downfall of another teen idol and unnecessarily unpacked the downfall of another teen idol, the Four Pins brain trust turned wide-eyed, for we had found the glorious tipping point we had been searching for all along. See, we've noticed something for a while now, bubbling, percolating in the ether: White girls are evolving. For the past year, the general ratchetness of our universe, and what can only be described as the divine intervention that birthed it, has been spilling over, affecting everything it touches, particularly Caucasian members of the fairer sex. But for every sociological think piece of this magnitude, findings need credence—true objectivism. So, we reached out to the one man privy to such knowledge, an established pioneer of white girl anthropology. That would be Pauly C, better known to the Internet at large as netscapeshawty. Our expert's thoughts are presented as follows, unedited and unabridged.