The Four Pins Guide To Starting Your Own Brand

Image via Complex Original

Raise Guap

First things first, starting any business takes money. Lots of money. You’ve grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And that lifestyle serves as the main source of your all important creative inspiration. You need to maintain that lifestyle while simultaneously dumping money into your dream project. To do this, we raise capital. How do we raise capital? One of two ways, your call:

1. Sleep with rich older women

2. Partner up with your smarter, more successful friend

Let's get into how to successfully execute your preferred method of securing fundage...

Sleeping With Rich Older Women

If you have an opportunity to sleep with a rich older woman you will probably do it regardless of your financial situation. But yes, a sugar momma is the holy grail of capital investment. Be forewarned, while it may have a low interest APR, a loan from a sugar momma comes with many hidden fees. For example, she will want you to name the brand after her pomeranian or, simply, the fact that you’re sleeping with someone for money, which makes you a prostitute. BUT WE ALL MAKE SACRIFICES FOR OUR DREAMS. Just don’t tell us all the weird shit she makes you do for your "allowance".

Partnering Up With Your Smarter, More Successful Friend

We all have that friend. He has good taste, but dresses half-lame. Like, he owns the same labels as you, but looks a little more like a Carlton to your Will, nahmean? Well, that dude paid attention in college and you didn't and did you know he’s been an associate at Boring Ass Intellectual Property Law Firm in Jersey pulling down like 85K a year? I KNOW, RIGHT? Lucky for you he’s looking to get out of the lawyering biz right when you’re looking for money. Team up because you have no idea how to do taxes, or calculate sales projections or responsibly manage an expense account. You need someone to stop you from buying ill jackets and justifying it as "research and development" because you might someday make outerwear.

Start Small

Now that you’ve got some capital what do you do with it? Sell ONE item—a belt or a hat or a T-shirt or a tie. Say it’s limited edition so people don't figure out you only had enough cash to make 15 of whatever the fuck it is you ended up making. But do not ever say how many you made. That way you can brag about how you sold out in two hours. Post product shots on every social media platform you can think of. Remember that friend from high school that’s still a club promoter and sends weird invites to foam parties like it’s 2003? SPAM HIS INBOX WITH LINKS TO YOUR SITE SELLING AN AMERICAN APPAREL TEE THAT HAS "OLD DIRTY BASTIAN" PRINTED ON IT. Low hanging fruit is still fruit and last time I checked fruit was fucking delicious.

Don't Expect Bloggers To Buy Anything

Not because they don’t like the gear or because they hate you, but because bloggers don’t buy shit unless it’s on Yoox or eBay. They will, however, talk incessantly about how fucking dope your gear is and be on your dillz super hard if you just send them the clothes to review. By "review," I of course mean keep forever and mention it once in an Instagram bathroom selfie seven months after the product drops.

Be Prepared To Answer “Why?”

The first round will most likely be with your parents. They will either be mortified that their spawn, with degrees from an actual university, has decided to sell tees that definitely violate copyright law. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE GONNA BE A MARINE BIOLOGIST? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, BRO? Or your parents will take the Asian dad route, and once wrapping their brains around the concept of grown men who refuse to wash their jeans buying T-shirts for $50, will assume you can easily become the next Tommy Hilfiger. YOU'RE THE HEIR TO THE KOHL'S THROWN. So yeah, fuck parents, man.

The second round will be people in the Industry. If you’re lucky, this will come in the form of an "interview," and by "interview" we mean you cutting and pasting your answers into an email questionnaire some 20-year-old graphic design major from Cincinnati sent you at 12 am to the the next day on his Tumblr. Remember, when people ask why you started your label or store, you can’t just say, “Because I wanted to buy shit for myself at wholesale.” I know, it’s hard to not tell the truth, but you gotta do your best to keep that shit on the low low. Talk about some sort of niche that needed to be filled or whatever. No one is gonna read that shit anyway. Trust.

Prepare To Get Sonned At An Industry Event

So you sold all 25 of your T-shirts and are burning through the 75 friendship bracelets you've got on deck. The sales rep from that shirting manufacturer actually responded to your email! The 2015 INDIGO DIP DYED DISTRESSED POPOVER REVOLUTION IS ON! You are flying high. Inevitably, though, the fashion world will find a way to punch you square in your fucking face. You will straight get denied from entering a trade show. Or, you will be at a trade show, texting your "business partner" trying to figure out where to meet up. You randomly find him and he’s with a literal who’s who of editors, cool bloggers and PR folk. After introductions, he’s like, "WHO THE FUCK KEEPS TEXTING ME FROM A 313 AREA CODE? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT CITY THAT IS." That’s when you will respond sheepishly that it’s actually a real city called Detroit and everyone, at the same time, will realize that you were straight struggle texting. YOUR BUSINESS PARTNER DOESN’T EVEN KNOW YOUR FUCKING PHONE NUMBER. NOW EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE A GIGANTIC BITCH. Wait, why are we talking about me? Sorry.

You Can’t Always Listen To Your Heart

A wise friend once gave me this sage advice. And he’s right. You can’t always listen to your sartorial romantic side when picking out what to sell. Sure, you want to carry this brand of Italian trousers that has a weird half-drop crotch and pleating. You love the idea of taking risks in clothing like that. Of course people will pay $225 dollars for pants that make it look like they have colostomy bags. You romantically think to yourself, “If people don’t like it, they shouldn’t be shopping at my store.” In that case, get used to an empty fucking store, bruh bruh. Motherfuckers like jeans and regular trousers and maybe a shawl every once in a blue moon. You might be wearing asymmetrically shirts with mandarin collars and Peter Pan pants, but most dudes just want an oxford and a nice flannel.

No One Will Want To Collaborate With Your Brand

Actually, I take that back. Some people will want to collabo with you—just not the people YOU want to collabo with. Now that you’ve moved a few units, other bloggers would love to work with your new brand. Maybe they even have over 1,000 people in their social network sphere of influence and their Klout is on the come up. How can you turn that down? But good luck getting anybody with an actual discernible talent. I mean, at the very least that guy that does airbrushed sweatshirts at your local gun and knife show is willing to work with you, whatever that's worth.

No Matter What, Everyone Will Think It’s Easy

No matter what, once people see you actually, you know, selling things and having the tiniest modicum of success, they will simply assume starting a brand isn’t really that hard afterall. Or that the hardest part of opening a bricks and mortar shop is finding the right space, not financing the project, designing the store or staffing it. You will get emails and Tumblr messages from people that go roughly like this: “Hi, I’m a big fan of your brand. I figure since a fellow blogger can pull it off, so can I. Where do you get your shirts made? How much do they cost wholesale?” Before you get all indignant about how much hard work you’ve done, remember the reason why you started your own label in the first place. That asshole blogger that always makes mixtapes launched a "collection" of three T-shirts and you knew, you just knew, you could do better.