June Haikus

Image via Complex Original

James Franco, GQ

I saw you in my

Neighborhood and I waved. Thought

You were my weed guy.

James Franco, Complex

Complex and GQ

In one month. We get it, James.

You love your gay fans.

Solange, Complex

You're your own artist

And unique. But tell me, how

Does Beyonce smell?

Brad Pitt, Vanity Fair

Brad, you have the face

Of a superstar and the

Hair of David Spade.

Chris Pine, Men’s Health

Chris Pine, you are a

Man and you look healthy, so

Guess it’s a good fit.

Selena Gomez, InStyle

Selena, question:

You're slutty now? Or are you

Just being Miley?

Kate Upton, Vogue

Congrats! Haters gon'

Hate but let them hate from the

Cover of Maxim.

Mark Ruffalo, Men’s Journal

The Hulk in repose.


“You won’t like me when I’m chill.”

Where is RDJ?

Pink, Glamour

You have another

Hit song. With the guy from fun.

Sorry fell asleep.

Jack Nicholson, David Bowie, Clint Eastwood, Keith Richards and Michael Caine, Esquire UK

You’ve got Nicholson.


Bowie. Eastwood. Richards. Caine.


Next time, Timberlake.

Sofia Vergara, Cosmopolitan

Ay Dios Mio!

Would be a real racist way

To start this haiku.

Kerry Washington, Elle

You’re perfect but I

Still can’t bring myself to see

The Peeples. Sorry!

Heather Graham, Maxim

Ninety Seven and

Twenty Thirteen Roller Girl

Rolling on skates, drugs.

Henry Cavill, GQ UK

Is it K-vill or

Cav-ill? I just won't say it.

I'll call you That Guy.

Taylor Swift, Wonderland

T. Swift Fun Fact: Her

Bedroom is decorated

With black pentagrams.

Chris Pine, Out

You again? Are there

No other stars in Star Trek?

Just call it Trek then.

Christina Hendricks, Lucky

I think that next month

We'll write about more men's mags.

Until then, hey Joan!