The New #Menswear Workout Plan

Image via Complex Original

The Double Monk Strap Shine & Stretch

You Will Need: double monk straps, shoe polish

The Move: This is a great way to stretch your hamstrings before you leave your apartment for some shameless sprint around town in an attempt to be snapped by The Sartorialist. Start with your feet together, shine brush in one hand. Without bending your knees, lean over and polish each shoe for 15 seconds. Repeat until both shoes look v crispy.

Barneys Escalator Run

You Will Need: Cash and/or credit, shopping bags full of new jawnz, a super dope outfit because you're in Barneys and need to be stunting. 

The Move: Heart health is crucial for any young blogger. Rather than head to some gym to hop on a StairMaster like a menopausal woman, head to Barneys and run up the down escalators and/or down the up the escalators until you've worked up a good sweat. For intermediate to expert level escalator cardio, just add some bags of new ish you've copped.

Rolling Rack Pull-Ups 

You Will Need: rolling rack

The Move: This will work your shoulders, traps and core, all of which are crucial muscles to focus on in helping you look like not you. Grab onto a wheel-less rolling rack and perform a standard pull-up (add wheels for a greater core focus). Do a set of 10 because have you see how sweet Ryan Gosling's traps look when he's fighting crime in a tank top? PAUSE. Do another set of ten. Think about Ryan Gosling. Pause. Repeat until you are swoll.

Selvedge Break-In Leg Lifts 

You Will Need: raw selvedge denim, weight depending on checking account/strength level

The Move: Rather than simply strolling to brunch via graceful strides, accelerate the fading process and carving out some marble-esque tree trunks by lifting your legs so your thigh is parallel with the ground. For more advanced denim aficionados, transfer your wallet between pockets every other step to get equal amounts of fading on each.

iPhone Bicep Curls

You Will Need: an iPhone (no Droids or Windows phones because what the fuck, bro?)

The Move: Strong arms and muscle reaction time are crucial when it comes to subtweeting rivals and being the first to Instagram a pair of trendy sneakers, so you're gonna want to be both skrong and lean with the pocket to hand transfer. Practice this simple maneuver over and over until you are confident you are a virgin again.

Cuff Lunges

You Will Need: a pair of casual pants

The Move: Working out your legs and man ass isn't glamorous, but it's essential if you wanna fit into an entire paycheck's worth of Unis chinos. For this move, take a step forward and then lower your body until your front thigh is parallel to the ground. While in this position, roll your pants up into the perfectly executed cuff and then completely down to the hem. Repeat until you've achieved true sprezzatura because you've just cuffed your pants so fucking much you finally don't give a shit about how they look for once in your life.

Lunch Skips

You Will Need: NO FUCKING FOOD, YOU DISGUSTING, PATHETIC FATTY

The Move: If you ever want to guest model in your boy's T-shirt line Tumblr exclusive lookbook, you're going to need to be borderline anorexic because the camera adds 1,000,000,000,000,000 pounds. If you have to, pick up smoking because in NYC that shit isn't bad for you according to real actual science. It's especially important to never eat lunch because lunchtime is when other people are most likely to see you eating. And remember, a healthy balanced #menswear diet is 50% coffee.

Bonus Tip: Gym Layering

Layering isn't just a #menswear skill to utilize out in the streets, it's a 24/7 commitment. How do you know someone isn't waiting outside New York Sports Club shooting street style? Your legs are the best place to start layering for the gym. Begin with a solid base of Nike running tights with some black gym shorts draped over them, so you look an A-list weed carrier in 2013. Up top, rock an overpriced, slouchy or vintage tee that you just "found in your underwear drawer," but, really, you should spend no less than 30 minutes perfecting its wrinkles with both a steamer and iron. Over that, go with some sort of technical outwear from Japan. Finally, you should have a pair of Nike Flyknits on your feet. If not, you shouldn't even be seen in public, fat or otherwise.