Eiknarf's Summer Style Tips

Image via Complex Original

On Wearing Leather...

"Really dude? You're trying to be a Sith lord in 100º+ weather? Yeezus isn't going to drive by, roll down the window, say, 'You're the chosen one' and put you in the Donda mail room. Break that linen out from your last fashion phase and get it together."

On #Menswear Hangouts...

"It’s too hot to take photos at Saturdays drinking a coffee with other dudes who look equally uncomfortable. Go to the beach, drink a beer, get laid…save that shit for fall."

On Attending Sponsored Parties...

"Don’t be that guy waiting in the sweltering heat hoping you get picked to come into the boat/roof/pool party so that you might try and get with the "influential" androids actually being paid to be at that sponsored event. Even if you get the chance to talk up your new mixtape and how you want to get them involved, you’ll be praying to god they remember your Twitter handle as the conversation awkwardly ends and you return to your friend A$AP Marty with the "I think we're about to blow up" face on. Regardless, seeing 40 people post the same photos, at the same places, hugging each other, while praying for a Samsung Galaxy to fly into the crowd is heartbreaking. Call the friends your grew up with and get back to the days before you discovered the internet."

On Wool...

"Fuck off."

On Wearing Toms Shoes...

"Toms are the vagina repellant of the fashion world. I just passed a menswear law to stone people in Toms if you see them on the street. Nothing says, "Hey Girl I'm Trying To Sleep With In My Art Class, I get you" and "beat me up" all at the same time like shoes made from the front of a baguette."

On City Biking With Your Life Partner...

"You know that thing you did when you were a kid where you tried to move stuff with your mind? I just recently brought that back by trying to push couples into traffic who figured 'I haven’t ridden a bike in a while—guess we can teach each other during rush hour on Broadway.'"

On Wearing Saggy Beanies...

"That shit barely, barelllllly, works in the winter and the only reason it does is because it’s winter. Now it’s summer and you're on your way to the Soho House roof pool with a membership your dad bought you so you can expand your "network" while wearing a diaper full of shit on your head? C'mon dude, your Karmaloop Navajo tank top, chambray shorts and Sperry Topsiders get a pass because you don’t know any better, but you know damn well that your Crew pomade is making a soup in that blister you're calling a fashion statement."

On Wearing Rain Jackets...

"We get it, dude. You're too cool for an umbrella. But look at you now, standing in an ATM vestibule waiting for the rain to pass with the other old ladies and dudes afraid of an impromptu wet T-shirt contest. Get yourself to a Uniqlo and buy one of their rain jackets made from a thin layer of "fuck your OOTD” and keep it in your pocket because they're made to take a beating from jocks that discovered Complex Style a year ago (and fold up conveniently compact). If that doesn’t carry enough cred for your unique snowflake self, brands like ISAORA make pretty dope options with enough technical engineering to rival that app you’ve been meaning to develop."

On Baby/Body Powder...

"The true key to a comfortable summer is baby powder. Think of it as the motor oil of your person. Too much friction and your balls/heels will bleed, and before you know it you'll be doing a pigeon walk around the West Village with an iced latte, trying to hold a smile while tears stream out from under your Ray Ban Wayfarers as you try to argue the Met’s 'total misconception of punk culture.'"

And Most importantly...

"Just do the opposite of whatever Will.i.am’s doing. That’s the safest advice I can give you."