20 Movies That Will Improve Your Game With Women

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hon·ey noun \ˈhə-nē\

: a thick, sweet substance made by bees

: a fine-ass babe that you want to put your man-Twizzler inside of

Not able to pick up honnies like you should be? Trying to figure out what’s going wrong?

Follow these film influenced tips and you should increase success rate of dating in the future. Or maybe you won’t. I don’t know, I’m not perfect, get off my dick. Shit, wouldn’t that be depressing? You just spend all this time reading my advice and then you still can’t hook up with anyone? Honestly dude, you’re bringing my down. Why do you have to be like that?

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.

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Usual Suspects

Lesson Learned: Lie About Everything

Let’s face it: you’re a pathetic piece of shit. But that’s okay, most of us are. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. Have a receding hairline? Wear a hat. You shovel horse shit for a living? Equine Business Management.

Not everybody can be cousins with Shaun White like me, guys.

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Fever Pitch

Lesson Learned: Take Your Prospective Lay To A Ballgame

Believe me when I say that this one works. I know from personal experience—some dude took my girlfriend to a Sox game a couple months ago. She broke up with me the next day. And I only cried myself to sleep for like a week. Two tops.

This is a go-to move for all you minor league poon-chasers looking to go pro. Either that, or this dude had a huge Fenway Frank. Not totally sure actually.

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The Notebook

Lesson Learned: Rain = Blowjays

So maybe you’re thinking of cancelling that date because it’s raining like a bastard outside. Amateur mistake. Rain makes everything more dramatic. Your girl’s getting all wet? Protect her with your jacket. She’s all wet and cold when you get home? Get her out of those damp clothes and into your nice warm bed. But most important of all—you’ll look dramatic as fuck if you make out with her in the rain. Just ask Ryan Gosling. Dude’s slept with ALL of the chicks.

Tomorrow’s forecast: 80% chance of getting a David Blowie.

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Batman Forever

Lesson Learned: Play "Kiss From A Rose"

Ladies love "Kiss From A Rose". When you bring her back to your place, light some candles, lay out some yellow M&M’s (see: Lupe Fiasco), and play this joint. If all goes as planned, you should be seeing her and Val Kilmer's bat-nipples in no time.

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Swingers

Lesson Learned: Lay Off The Wallet Chains / Vince Vaughn Is A Terrible Actor

Wallet chains look fucking stupid. Yeah, no shit. But in 1996 they were fly as fuck, or at least that’s what guys trying to pick up chicks thought. The point is, every generation has their own version of wallet chains that desperate bros use to pick up girls. Fedoras, suspenders, bow ties. Four Pins’ own Jon “Ambiguously Asian” Moy just released his own “Anti-Swag Field Guide” that you guys might want to refer to if you have any questions in this respect.

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Psycho

Lesson Learned: Time To Move Out Of Mom's Place

So there you are—you bring your girl back, she’s ready to get sexed up, and you open your front door only to find mom chilling on the couch watching re-runs of JAG. Total mood killer. Your girl gets turned off and she decides to leave. Before you know it, you’re wrapping her body in a shower curtain and dumping her in the swamp. Not a good look guys.

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Crazy, Stupid, Love

Lesson Learned: Be Ryan Gosling

Listen guys, you could be steezed out to the nines, funny as a barrel of midgets, and packing a Steve Carrell's Nose in your Dungarees, but if you aren’t at least a little bit good looking, you haven’t got a snowflakes chance in hell of picking up a girl. Step up your biological makeup game before you step up your women game.

Bonus: "Schvantz" is a great synonym for your little friend. Thanks for that one, Ry-Go.

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Chasing Amy

Lesson Learned: Never Ask About Her Past

Every girl goes through a slutty phase. That’s just the world we live in these days. Maybe she slept with her whole high school football team, or maybe she was involved in a human centipede experiment when she was in college, or maybe she made out with a hotdog one time (see: Mean Girls). Whatever sort of heinous debauchery she’s taken part in—you don’t want to know about it. Or, I don't know, maybe you're into that sort of thing.

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Harold and Maude

Lesson Learned: Try Older Women

Having trouble trying to bag girls your own age? We can’t always afford a brand new BMW. Sometimes we have to settle for a 1992 Honda Del Sol. Sure she’s a little bit rusty around the edges and she’s probably going to die soon, but she’s still got a lot of heart. Older women know what they want and they’ll cut through all the bullshit to get it.

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The Philadelphia Story

Lesson Learned: Nice Guys Finish Last

Girls don’t like the Jimmy Stewarts of the world, they like the Cary Grants. Don’t waste your time trying to kiss a girls ass, you’ll end up coming off as helpless and boyish. Be sarcastic, be kind of a dick, and be honest. But mostly be kind of dick.

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Edward Scissorhands

Lesson Learned: Be Good At Something

She’s getting her masters in organic chemistry, she speaks fluent Korean, and she’s part of MENSA. What do you do? You’ve seen every episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and you saw the back of Scott Baio’s head at Sears that one time, or at least you think it was him. Oh, and let’s not forget that screenplay that you’ve been working on.

If you want to get a girl you need to show some kind of self worth. Learn to play the guitar, or to carve ice sculptures out of your weird hand-knives, or write for Four Pins.

…Four Pins groupies for days, yall.

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Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Lesson Learned: Be Confident And Assertive

You could wallow in your own self-pity, whining about how your dad doesn’t love you and try to drown yourself in a pool, or you could sing Wayne Newton on a parade float and put your finger in Sloane’s trunk in the back of the Ferrari that you stole. Your choice.

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Brokeback Mountain

Lesson Learned: Find A Nice, Secluded Place To Take Her

“But Matt Rimer, Brokeback Mountain is about gay dudes—what does this have to do with me?”

The answer is this: gay dudes and straight dudes want the same thing. They want to meet a nice person and then do funny stuff to their naughty parts. Magic like that doesn’t happen in a crowded bar, or a nightclub with 200 sweaty patrons who are keeping Ludacris’ “Get Yours” cologne in business. Take her to some place quiet if you want this to go somewhere. There's also so many "cowgirl" jokes I just spared you, so you're fucking welcome.

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Moonrise Kingdom

Lesson Learned: Fight To Get Her

Almost 100% of the time, some obstacle will interfere with your pussy vision quest, putting a wrench in your well thought out plans. Maybe some big jamoke is trying to steal your thunder, or maybe the girl’s friend Karen is trying to bring her back to their apartment to watch Gilmore Girls and eat Chunky Monkey ice cream out of the carton. You just have to be willing to say, “Fuck you, Karen” (in your head, not out loud you moron), and call an audible.

Bonus Tip: Daniel Boone hats rule.

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Pretty Woman

Lesson Learned: Don't Judge Her

So you’re standing in a club, doing your usual Terminator-esque visual scan of the floor trying to find the girl you’re going to nonchalantly rub your genitals against until she reluctantly gives in and goes home with you. “Not that one,” you think to yourself, “she’s got a lip piercing,” or, “she spilled her drink all over her dress,” or, “she’s got an adam’s apple.” It’s a sin to judge a book by its cover. Get to know her before you throw her to the lions.

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Footloose

Lesson Learned: Try Not To Look Like An Asshole On The Dance Floor

A lot of the time, you’ll meet girls at a club or a bar. And I’m sorry to say, but it’s sort of hard to sweet talk when “X Gon’ Give It To Ya” is blasting into your skull and making your ears bleed. If you look like you’re part of the Peanuts gang when you’re making moves you might go home empty handed.

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Garden State

Lesson Learned: Meet A Girl While Doing Something Routine

I know I talk about bars and clubs a lot in this article, but sometimes you don’t need a party situation to “throw it in her” as the scientists say. Meet a girl at the grocery store or at the doctor’s office. “You have The Herp too? Well, isn’t that a coincidence?” Guys, I think I hear wedding bells.

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The Graduate

Lesson Learned: Steer Clear Of Drama

Don’t date a chick and then date her daughter. Nine times outta ten things get kind of weird. You also shouldn’t date pairs of friends or sisters or any of that noise. You're just setting yourself up for bad shit all around even though you think you're setting yourself up for an epic threesome.

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The Shining

Lesson Learned: Don't Let Work Control Your Life

All work and no play makes Jack a total d-bag. Find time to spend all the money you’ve been making working your tail feather off by buying a girl a drink and not axing her to pieces.

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Casablanca

Lesson Learned: Don't Get Attached

Unless you’re looking to settle down, try not to fall in love with this girl. Everything will be going fine, and then before you know it, she’s running off with some other guy, or escaping the Nazis, or you did something wrong even though you did nothing at all.

If she asks you to meet her parents, simply reply with a text that reads, “Heres looking @ U kid” and then never call her again. Very pro move.

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