The Anti-Swag Field Guide

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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You guys ready for a particle physics lesson? Me neither. But I did go onto Wikipedia the other day to learn a lot about matter and antimatter. Did you guys know that if regular particles and antiparticles collide they complete annihilate each other? Yeah, and the resulting annihilation creates Gamma Rays, neutrinos and probably a whole bunch of other matter, but I stopped reading the article after the 1st paragraph. What does all this lame ass nerd talk have to do with clothes, right? Well, I mean, technically everything, but I’ll let your physics professor convince you of that. Specifically I’m talking 'bout swag and anti-swag.

Did you guys not know about the existence of anti-swag? Don’t feel bad man, modern physics didn’t embrace the antimatter theory until around 1928. When it comes to swag, anti-swag completely cancels out any cool your other gear may have brought to the table. While gamma rays and neutrinos don’t result from the mutual annihilation, there is a by-product. In this case? You looking like a fucking chump. And that's why I’m here speaking with you today, to help you avoid devastating articles of anti-swag.

1. antiswaglead

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2. nsianhughessuspenders

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3. doublemonks

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Double Monks

Wait, you just bought a pair of brand new double monks? HAHAHAHAHAHA, MY GUY. EVERYONE JUST WEARS SNEAKERS AND TIMBS AGAIN LIKE IT’S 1998.

4. tieranything(photovianike)

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5. gitmanalloveroxford

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6. espadrillesviastreetetiquette

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7. lamesigothermimihaddon

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8. mikeharrington_slouchiebeanie

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9. moncolemag

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Monocle

Every time I see someone reading Monocle I’m amazed. And then I realize they’re just looking at the pretty fonts and photos. No fronting, I had a subscription to that ish and barely ever read an entire issue cover to coer. I mean, that magazine is dense as fuck and I’m out here without health insurance, my dudes. My situation is just as precarious as the newly formed democracy in Malawi that has a “smart” motorcade and “bustling” arts quarter. Monocle is the literary version of that band we all pretend to listen to. Just stop pretending and read something you’re actually interested in, like how the Bruce Jenner is coping with all the turmoil in his life. Spoiler Alert: He’s growing out his ponytail.

10. illslanderconflictofinterest

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11. juicycouturecellphoencases

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12. ennoir_leatherpants

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13. Kanye West's 30th Birthday Celebration

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14. amazon_northface

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15. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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16. ethnicbeads

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17. russelbrandtopknot_davehogan

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18. roundstableshirts

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19. YKKzippers

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20. denimhuntersRedWing

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21. 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Press Room

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22. Street Style - London Collections: MEN SS14 - June 16 To June 18, 2013

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23. thrillist_leatherbracelets

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24. orangeonions_leatherporfolio

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25. andrewolney_iPad

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