20 Amazing Things We Think We Learned About Women In 2013

Four Pins may be a style blog for men, but that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the women in our lives—strong women like Emily Dickinson, Katharine Hepburn and Mother Teresa. Oh, they’re dead? Well, those were all of the good ones, so I guess we’re going to have to settle on who's left.

I guess our resident female contributor, Rachel, might have been better suited to write this article about women’s empowerment in the past year, but fuck it. Rachel, if you’re reading this, I assume that you are in hysterics. Just find the closest policeman or adult male to help straighten you out until you’ve come to your senses. Here are the 20 amazing things we think we learned about women this past year.

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.

Imaginary Girlfriends Can Still Break Hearts

Girls can be real shitty sometimes. They blame all of their problems on you. They’re never satisfied. They tape over your DVR recording of Mad Men. Real fucked up shit. Then one day, you find out that your girlfriend doesn’t even exist? Just ask former Notre Dame linebacker, Manti Te’o. Dude thought he had been dating this chick for months, only to find out that he totally made her up in his head. Yeah, of course you decide to suddenly not exist, right before my birthday. That’s sooo you, Jeanine, you bitch.

Quvenzhane Wallis Is NOT A C-Word

In February, nine-year-old Academy Award nominee and star of Beasts of the Southern Wild, Quvenzhané Wallis, was called "kind of a cunt" by comedy website The Onion. Well, as it turns out, she isn’t. In fact, this broad is actually just a sweet, innocent girl. Maybe she’s a little smug with her puppy-shaped purse, but, on the whole, not bad. I guess you learn something new every day.

Claire Daines Isn't Gweneth Paltrow

Did you guys know they were different people? The chick from Homeland is legit not even Gwyneth Paltrow. Like, at all. This whole time I’d been thinking that Claire Danes was Paltrow’s alter-ego like Beyonce’s Sasha Fierce. Fuck me, right? I’m still not totally sure if I actually even believe this.

The Bush Is On The Comeback

Until recently, a lady shaving her downstairs was commonplace. For a long while, women (as well as men) preferred the bare look, as opposed to something more natural. However, according to a study from The Telegraph, 2013 has shown a rising trend in ladies growing out their Stonewall Jackson lady beard. For our sake, let’s hope that the "South" will not "rise again". Actually, women should just do whatever they want even if it makes us uncomfortable.

Lilo's Lilos Are Meh

In August, the Paul Schrader-Bret Easton Ellis collaboration/huge pile of dogshit, The Canyons hit theaters. In the film, Lindsay Lohan gets naked to prepare for her forthcoming orgy (my sources tell me that this is essential to all orgies). The results are underwhelming. Lilo’s boobs look like two of the O'Doyle brothers from Billy Madison butting heads. Pretty terrible by all accounts.

Honey Boo Boo's Mom Is Just Krang From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Mother of cultural icon Honey Boo Boo, Mama June, is a woman(?) who seems to epitomize what it means to be an American. Our founding fathers fought for our country’s freedom so that we could each eat ourselves into a horrible mess of a human being, hastily reproduce while still in a punch-drunk haze after waking up from our s'getti 'n' butter grizzly bear hibernation, and then enter our deformed offspring into a side-show circus act for money. It’s more American than apple pie. Mama June understands this dream, even if she does look hilariously similar to a cartoon villain from a TV show about turtles who fight crime and eat pizza.

Bones Deschanel > Zooey Deschanel

Yeah, I said it. Bones Deschanel is better than Zooey "Preteen Katy Perry" Deschanel. I can only take so much ukulele and tomato soup before I start to go crazy. It’s time for big sis to shine, baby.

Twerking Can Cause Bodily Harm

It’s only a matter of time before twerking kills somebody. Gyrating upside down until you fall over and take out the coffee table is a bad idea, y'all. Maybe those parents in Footloose were totally right. Maybe dancing is deadly and should be outlawed. I’m waiting for Nancy Regan to come out and make a PSA about the dangers of twerking before I officially put a bow on 2013.

Sanda Bullock Still Sucks

You thought that she lost her shitty touch, didn’t you? You thought that her glory days of being the queen of bad movies like The Blind Side were long past? But never underestimate this old philly. Just when you think she’s done, she churns out category 5 shitstorms like The Heat and Gravity. She’s like the Brett Favre of awful films. Once a champ, always a champ.