Have you ever found yourself in a store, trying something on you know you can't afford and, for a split second, think to yourself, "I could probably just steal this shit. Like, shove it in my Uniqlo shopping bag, simply walk the fuck outta here, sprint down the street and no one would catch me because I was a JV track standout. Have you even seen my calves recently?" While it's super weird that you talk to yourself about your calves, most of us would never nut up and cop some gear for $Free.99 because morals and laws or whatever. With that said, there are some of us out here with v malleable judgement. Recently, a couple decided to steal a crocodile jacket from a New York store by the name of Zilli. And, as we all know, croc ain't cheap. In fact, this particular garment retails for $40,000. Damn Zilli. Tough break, son. Is it weird that I'm kind of impressed by these thieves in an Ocean's 11 kind of way? Like, if this scenario played out in a movie and showed the suspect's backstory and their incredibly intricate plans for lifting this jacket and they were romantically involved and they absconded while listening to Jay Z and Beyonce's "Bonnie & Clyde 2003", wouldn't we all sympathize with them? I mean, that shit's way more compelling than, say, a gauche eurotash jacket. I guess, my only question is: The fuck's a Zilli?
1. zillicrocodilejacket
2. suspects
