Growing up did you guys have a friend whose parents were total narcs? I had one friend who had a total narc mom and dad. For spring break my senior year, a bunch of us went to Spain on a school-sponsored trip. Ostensibly, the goals of the trip were to give us some practical Spanish speaking experience, as well as broaden our horizons and expose us to the incredible culture that is the Iberian Peninsula. But we all went because there basically wasn't a legal drinking age and little to no adult supervision aka WE GONNA THROW UP IN PUBLIC AND FALL DOWN SUBWAY STAIRS DUE TO ALCOHOL. This was before the age of digital cameras, so we all had disposable film that hipsters now use, so they can call their shitty pictures "artistic" and "lo-fi." Anyways, after 12 straight days of debauchery, we all flew home. Back at school, we were wild hype to tell all the other lames that volunteered for Habitat For Humanity how we bought hash at a rave in Madrid and how my one friend fingerbanged some girl on the metro. But before we could revel in our absolutely reckless and asshole-ish behavior, one of the kids' parents developed one of the cameras and then decided to peruse the photos. Instead of pictures of the Alhambra and Las Meninas, she saw a bathtub full of beer and ice, her only son passed out on a park bench and several—and I do mean several—photos of glassy eyed teenagers smoking Pall Malls and making obscene gestures at the camera. Bypassing the soul crushingly effective "I'm not angry, I'm just really disappointed" speech, SHE CALLED EVERY SINGLE PARENT AND TOLD THEM ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED. There was even a meeting with the principal and teacher chaperones and, eventually, the Spain trip was taken off the table forever. THIS LADY EVEN SUGGESTED WE ALL GO TO AN AA MEETING SO WE COULD LEARN THE DANGERS OF ALCOHOL. THAT FUCKING NARC MOM LITERALLY RUINED THE SPRING BREAKS OF GENERATIONS TO COME.
This other time, my friend had to take pee tests once a month because his neighbor saw us ripping the bong in his driveway (admittedly not the most ideal cover of darkness) before school and called his parents. SNITCHES GET STICHES, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Taking a page directly out of Buzzkill Monthly, this narc mom from Utah was shopping with her 18-year-old son at the local mall when she spied some T-shirts sporting photos of scantily clad women at PacSun. Outraged, she demanded the store take down the display and remove the shirts. When her ridiculously herb-like request was denied, she simply bought all $600 worth of the aforementioned offending tees in an act of inconceivably corny protest. According to Narc Mom, "The bottom of one woman is completely exposed, uncovered and it's a very provocative pose that she's in." LOL BY "BOTTOM," DO YOU MEAN ASS? Also, it's not completely uncovered. She just has a wedgie. What brands' shirts would dare to feature such risque women's "bottoms"? Why, the illustrious institutions of Young and Reckless and Van Styles, of course.
Listen, if you ever have kids, make sure you aren't a narc mom or narc dad. NARC DADS ARE THE WORST. THEY WEAR DAD JEANS AND THEIR SONS' OLD HOODIES AND CALL YOUR PARENTS WHEN THEY SEE YOU OUT HERE #INFLUENCING THEIR DUMBASS, IMPRESSIONABLE KIDS.
