The new viral craze is, of course, throwing household objects at another person's head during a fight. Folks have put down their fists and picked up shovels and scooters and other common items they have lying around their homes. These videos combines all the things that people love: objects being thrown at heads and heads being hit by objects. No one who watches one of these video is particularly concerned with the well-being of the victim who just had their occipital lobe caved in because they’re too busy hooting and hollering and running around in excitement. And why should they show a sliver of empathy? Or, hell, even sympathy? It's not them getting smacked in the face with something, so who gives a shit? It's a dog eat dog world and if one dog arms itself with a quasi-weapon, then too bad for the other dog. The unarmed dog should have ran away as soon as they heard some observing, third party instigator yell, "WORLDSTAR!" so that's on them. They had to have known what was coming. They deserve the brain damage. They deserve the consequences. Anyway, here are ten household objects you should use if you ever find yourself in the middle of one of those viral YouTube-WorldStar-VideoBox-GloboVid-UniverseVideo-Vineomatic-InstaPicture altercations.
Brendan O'Hare is attempting to be a writer and comedian while living in NYC. Follow his comedy jokes on Twitter here.
1. worldstarlead
2. plate
3. blanket
A Blanket
Sure, a blanket may not seem dangerous enough at first. For example, it's soft. But hear me out, throw it at your opponent REALLY FUCKING HARD. Not, like, kind of hard. But, like, REALLY. FUCKING. HARD. In fact, throw it as hard as you can. If you're fighting on a cliff and your enemy is already near the edge, it might be able to knock them to their death as long as you also throw something else that's harder at them too.
4. couch
5. gun
6. book
A Book
Worst case scenario, your opponent catches the book, develops a love for reading, decides to go back to school, enrolls in medical school, becomes a top radiologist in your region, you get cancer and are forced to go to him or her and he intentionally messes up your chemo as payback for throwing Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban at his head. That's the worst possible thing that could happen. So, just do it!