To be completely honest, I'm not exactly sure what Cannes even is. Even as someone who considers himself fairly well versed in cinemaz (I actually went to go see Locke in theaters last week), the whole thing just seems like a big excuse for rich people to fly out to France and get wasted on a bunch of yachts. Which, let's be clear, is totally fine by me. Assuming I had the means, I would absolutely go to Cannes (by the way, is it pronounced "can" or "kahn"?) and throw money at women who are way out of my league in hopes of having meaningless sex with them. Maybe I'd even try and get after a few celebrities like my girl JLaw, who I would desperately try to impress by complementing her on the subtleties of her performance in American Hustle. Anyway, without further adieu, here are the people who showed up to Cannes looking dope and the people who showed up to Cannes looking like butt.
1. Canneslead
2. rygo_NYT
Ryan "Go-Sling" Gosling
Damn, looks like being out of the spotlight for a minute made ole RyGo start dressing like a basic bro. Not cool, man, NOT COOL. If you're not crushing it all times, then how can we have any hope at all? Honestly, this is like expecting to see Superman, but Clark Kent shows up instead. Total bummer.
3. Ryan-Gosling-Vogue-21May14-Rex_b_592x888
4. eva_NYT
5. djimonhounsou_NYT
6. Jury-photocall-vogue-14may14-rex_b_1440x960
7. Tim-Roth-Nicole-Kidman-Vogue-14May14-Rex_b_592x888
8. Zoe-Saldana-Vogue-16May14-wenn_b_592x888
9. rosario-mireille-ryan-reynolds-vogue-16may14-pa_b_592x888
10. Blake-Lively-Ryan-Reynolds-Vogue-19May14-Rex_b_592x888
Something about this is just gross. Like, how can you both be so attractive, and well dressed and happy? Save some for the rest of us, you fucks.
11. Rita-Ora-Vogue-19May14-Rex_b_592x888
12. Lea-Seydoux-Vogue-19May14-Rex_b_592x888
13. Aymeline-Valade-Vogue-19May14-Getty_b_592x888
14. Jean-Paul-Gaultier-Tonie-Marshall-Vogue-19May14-Rex_b_592x888
15. Jennifer-Lawrence-2-Vogue-19May14-Getty_b_592x888
16. Jennifer-Lawrence-Vogue-19May14-Getty_b_592x888
17. Robert-Pattinson-Vogue-19May14-PA_b_592x888
Robert Pattinson
Can't tell if this is a good or basic fit TBH. I think those shoes are Acne, but if you're a celeb at Cannes, maybe you just have to come harder than this? Props to Pattinson for giving 0 fucks post Twilight though.
18. The-Expendables-3-Vogue-19May14-Rex_b_1440x960
The Cast Of The Expendables 3
Okay, guys, now wave goodbye to the prime of your careers!
19. Hilary-Swank-Vogue-19May14-PA_b_592x888
20. Robert-Pattinson-Mia-Wasikowska-Julianne-Moore-John-Cusack--Vogue-19May14-Getty_b_1440x960
21. Sofia-Coppola-Vogue-20May14-Rex_b_592x888
Sofia Coppola
Blah blah blahLost In Translation blah blah blah. Spike sonned you in Her moving on.
22. Julianne-Moore-Vogue-20May14-Rex_b_592x888
Julianne Moore
Damn, which Dr. Suess movie are they making now? I would kill for a live action Green Eggs & Ham.
23. Matt-Smith-Vogue-20May14-PA_b_592x888
24. Alessandra-Ambrosio-Vogue-21May14-Rex_b_592x888
25. Amber-Heard-Vogue-21May14-Rex_b_592x888
Amber Heard
I feel like I know this woman from some thing I saw one time. Or maybe not. But she is a fucking babe.