Vince and the rest of the gang are back, and if you thought their antics were zany back on HBO, wait'll you see 'em on the big screen! As the writer of Entourage: The Movie, I'm here to show you a few script excerpts. Don't get too attached to everything you see here just yet, though. Lots of changes will be made. For instance, Turtle will probably wear his hat backwards in the finished screenplay.
* * *
It's nighttime, and VINCE and the boys are driving around in a sick convertible, watching people line up outside bars.
VINCE: I'm glad to be back together, driving around downtown Los Angeles and looking at neon signs that have our names on them.
E: This Jane's Addiction song is insanely good.
JOHNNY DRAMA: I am Vince's brother.
TURTLE: I'm not conventionally attractive, but I still do cool movie star things.
VINCE: Let's go visit the angry guy who helps me make money.
* * *
RUSSELL WILSON enters ARI's office.
TURTLE: Daaaaamn…Is that NFL quarterback Russell Wilson?
RUSSELL WILSON: [Stilted] Hey guys, it's me, NFL quarterback Russell Wilson.
VINCE: He's so self-aware, which makes it funnier.
E: Hey man, we're big fans.
DRAMA: Not me. I'm going to profess to liking a different player and/or team in order to put us all in an awkward, comedic situation.
TURTLE: Drama, come on, man.
* * *
VINCE strides through the door.
DRAMA: Baby bro, you see this shit?
DRAMA gestures to his laptop. Cut to a Buzzfeed article about the Westboro Baptist Church.
DRAMA: [shaking head] Religion is a disease.
* * *
TURTLE enters a SUBWAY RESTAURANT and spots a cute SANDWICH ARTIST.
TURTLE: Yeah, I'll get a Cold Cut Combo on Italian Herbs and Cheese.
SANDWICH ARTIST: 6 inch or footlong?
TURTLE exaggeratedly lifts the brim of his snapback.
TURTLE: You tell me.
The SANDWICH ARTIST is instantly smitten, somehow.
* * *
DRAMA: Hey baby bro, I made a Vincent Chase parody Twitter account.
VINCE: I don't know what that means.
DRAMA: It has 600,000 followers and all I do is tweet boring platitudes and pictures of SpongeBob SquarePants smoking weed.
TURTLE: Wait, that's not Vince’s account?
* * *
The boys are sitting in a sweat lodge after drinking ayahuasca. JOE ROGAN enters the lodge.
ROGAN: Guys…how sick is this shit?
VINCE: It's like…this lodge is a womb.
ROGAN: Fuck, man. The whole world is a womb.
ALL: Whoa…
* * *
VINCE: Guys, we need to work on our catchphrases.
DRAMA: Uh, baby bro, come on. Mine is perfect.
TURTLE: [sarcastically] "Drama mia?"
DRAMA: Yeah, well it's better than "Turtle so horny."
TURTLE: Hey, you know what? FUCK you, Drama.
E: Guys, guys, hey, whoa, whoa.
VINCE: E, that's a terrible catchphrase.
* * *
DRAMA: A salient point, Turtle. But, and I hesitate to quote Lacan once again, I...
TURTLE lets loose an immense fart that lasts nearly a minute.
* * *
E: Vince, I don't know how you did it, but you've somehow ended up back on your feet!
VINCE: I know! It was like, whoa, my movie bombed. How am I going to recover from this one? And then I did!
ARI: Shit.
VINCE: What is it?
ARI: Vince, you know that big role you just got? The one that makes up for your last movie completely bombing?
VINCE: Yeah.
ARI: They gave it to someone else.
DRAMA: Drama mia!
VINCE looks directly at the camera.
VINCE: Here we go again!
Stefan J. is a writer living in Vancouver. You can read his personal blog here and follow him on Twitter here.
