Rich Homie Quan just quit Rich Gang to focus on himself. His reasoning sounded a lot like what I told my first girlfriend in high school, so I know he must be full of shit. But that's neither here nor there. Or maybe it's both here and there? I don't know. What I do know is that, much like that first girlfriend, I'm beside myself with grief because now I know for sure that my idea for a ski resort music video set in Colorado that would have accompanied Rich Gang's undeniable sleeper cut, "I Know It," will now truly never materialize.
So, instead, here it is, or rather, what it would have been. One certainly cannot precisely account for the kinds of improvisational gems Young Thug would have brought to the table during the actual filming. Below are my sacred, untouched ideas, down to the color of Quan's turtleneck. This is Rich Gang's "I Know It," a proposed music video treatment:
ASPEN, COLORADO (AFTERNOON)
0:00-0:20
Fade in.
Camera pans slowly across a dense, mountainous landscape. The beat comes in, and Rich Homie Quan's verse begins, but the camera is still just panning over snow and trees, until finally it reaches a log cabin.
0:20-0:30
The camera is led inside of the cabin wherein Rich Homie Quan is seated, drinking a mug of hot chocolate (Swiss Miss Marshmallow Lovers for potential sponsorship opportunities) by a fireplace, wearing a black turtleneck, reading his favorite James Patterson novel. His verse is playing, but he's not lip-syncing, he's just reading his book and sipping his hot chocolate. At the moment when his line "I ain't hit it in front of your children. Haa. I'm lying" comes in, he looks up at the camera briefly and mouths the words "I'm lying," as they occur, then his eyes dart back to the book.
0:30-0:40
He lodges a bookmark at his current spot, puts the book down, but continues to carry his cup of hot chocolate. He puts on Louis Vuitton earmuffs and begins to walk outside. The camera follows him.
0:40-1:10
Quan walks outside to reveal a number of women making snow angels in his front yard, all in unison. They're all wearing Missy Elliott "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)" level black bubble ski jackets and Gucci goggles.
1:10-1:30
Quan motions toward one of them and a flawless snow angel is revealed beneath her as she gets up. She walks beside him. He's still sipping his hot chocolate. The camera pans out to reveal a moving chairlift and the pair gets into one of the chairs.
1:30-2:00
The chairlift jerks them forward and the girl lip-syncs the rest of Quan's verse as they move up the mountain, while he casually and silently sips his hot chocolate, making eye contact with neither the camera nor the rapping girl beside him.
2:00-2:40
Quan gets off the chairlift on a serene plateau, to the extended dap/embrace of Young Thug, who sports a hawk on his right shoulder. There are also a number of women gathered around a campfire, putting together and eating s'mores in a rhythmic, assembly line fashion. They're all wearing black ski jackets, Gucci goggles and wooden snowshoes. They're rapping Thug's verse, but he is not.
2:40-3:10
The camera pans out to reveal Birdman seated beside an elaborate looking, possibly Steampunk-influenced (there is steam emanating from it) money counter. He appears to be loading up a bag with stacks of hundred dollar bills. The camera then pans out to reveal that the bag sits on a sled. The camera pans out once more (this time with a distinctly more dramatic abruptness) to reveal that it is a dog sled, the front of which is attached to a pack of vicious huskies, the reins of which are being held back by the strenuous-looking pull of a fully-furred London on da Track.
3:10-3:50
Birdman, looking satisfied, nods his head toward London on da Track, who takes that as the official cue to release the dog sled. Birdman clasps his hands (as the final "Rich Gang" tag comes in) together and rubs them, characteristically. The camera then follows the dog sled as it runs in the snow, away from the group. It then pans out, slowly, mirroring its fluid entrance, as the dogs get smaller and the landscape fully re-emerges. Young Thug's hawk flies by.
Fade out.
Alex Russell doesn't know shit about how music video treatments actually work. He is a human living in New York City. Follow him on Twitter here.
