This Is What The Average American Male Looks Like

Ever wonder why you have to size up when you order clothes from Japan? It couldn't possibly be the roughly 250 NBA players influencing the sizing scale for the rest of us, could it? Do we all just like to wear our clothes baggy as shit? Are Japanese dudes not drinking their milk? NOPE. In a study that should surprise no one, it's simply that we're all disgusting fat fucks, while other countries are, you know, not. I'm not saying YOU specifically are a fat fuck (even though statistically speaking, you probably are), but collectively, yeah, we're all fat fucks, and the numbers don't lie. Through CDC data—the motherfucking Center For Disease Control is now studying our fat asses because that's how rough shit is out here—James Hamlin and Nickolay Lamm have rendered graphics of what the average American male looks like and—SPOILER ALERT—he looks fat as fuck. Ya boy's name is Todd (seriously), he has a BMI of 29 (one point shy of being considered "technically obese") and his waist is an impressive 39 inches. Japan, The Netherlands and France, for comparison, have BMI averages of 23.7, 25.2 and 25.6 respectively.

Basically what this means for us here at Four Pins, is that Todd can't buy any of the clothes we write about. His body looks like one of those menswear dogs who thinks he's into style, but just shops at J.Crew and buys shit that is way to small, while the entire time trying to convince people it's just a "tailored fit". But really, don't feel too bad Todd, because no one, skinny or fat, can afford most of the things we write about anyway.

No, but really, this is pretty disgusting. Let's all agree to hit the gym tonight okay, bros?

  • A$AP Ferg’s Career Counselor

    That’s just ’cause those other countries are peasants and aren’t on the KCF Double Down lifestyle.

  • Devan Prithipaul

    disgusting. Thank goodness i live in Canada.

    • Fatty Fat Fat

      damn dog you’re right canada has zero fat fucks. they just look that way cause duh, flannel, and all them thuggies or shuggies or whatever the fuck you call them.

      • Gloria Bobbie Goethals

        Yeah, they’re all sexy as fuck, 0% body fat, they’re just bundled up cause of the cold. SMH

  • juicy j

    i’m not surprised that the dutch are high

  • nerd


  • Gob

    Can we appreciate the fact that Netherlands dude totally looks like Anders Holmvik?

  • Anastasia D.

    “fat fuck” is my favourite phrase of the day.

  • oscar tejeda

    But who is the baddest of them all…we use that fat to our advantage in the military and switch it too lean mean fighting .muscle.

  • Gloria Bobbie Goethals

    Ok, so we’re fat as fuck in the USA, we get it. Compared to the 66% of even fatter fucks, Todd looks like a wafer. I’ve seen much fatter fucks than Todd and it’s sad. This is why, along with adopting a better lifestyle to avoid looking worse than Todd, we need great personalities! Fuck yeah! None of these ‘average’ dudes from the globe are going to melt the panties off anyone with sheer looks, so I hope they have charm. And France needs to lay off the fucking cheese already, they’re catching up with the USA. That French guy isn’t exactly sex on wheels, fyi….

  • Gloria Bobbie Goethals

    And why does the poor Japanese guy have a real face, while Todd and his European buddies have crossed-eyed CGI mugs? So not only are we fat, but too damn ugly to show our real faces? Oh good Lord.

  • Ace The Phantom

    Todd looks like Liam Neeson

  • merican

    Sad but true, but this should have been height proportionate…dudes in Japan are tiny, and many French dudes as well. Yeah we’re fat, but we’re not shrimps 😉

  • Gems Margiela

    Japanese dude maintaining

  • Geovane M

    My skinny ass needs to move to Japan then. I have a BMI of 20 and my waist is 29 inches.

  • .

    I only weight 140 so I take no responsibility in this instance.

  • Guest

    I’m weak lol