How To DJ For Fun And Profit Without Actually Having Any Idea How To DJ

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. The second greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that DJing was a difficult thing to do. It is not. It is very, very easy, almost mind-blowingly so. And I will prove this simple fact to you with this handy-dandy listsicle I have composed for your reading pleasure.

Now, before you click that little arrow superimposed over the right side of that neat little image of Mr. Superstar DJ up there, just know that there is such a thing as a real DJ. You are not one of them. You are just some schmuck who wants to play some songs off a laptop at a party and/or a bar. This is fine because, to the vast majority of the population, this is just as impressive as actually DJing. And that is what I am about to teach you. Here comes the drop...

Drew Millard wrote this while drinking sake on a Suzuki in Osaka Bay. You can read more of his work over at Noisey and follow him on Twitter here.

  • butt demon

    DJing is so gay lol

    • Nic

      says butt demon

      • Master Pee

        im crying lmfao

  • OK_ok

    Avicii – travel the world with a USB stick, earning 55k $ /day. Seems like the worlds best job

    • heywudjablowme

      what about the countless hours spent in the studio…youre making it seem like he doesnt deserve his success

      • prisoner

        hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha @ “hours in the studio” that dude got a team behind him and if you think he doesn’t you’re getting played hard like a fucking sheep

        • heywudjablowme

          every artist has a team of engineers producers etc with them when they make albums…whats your point?

    • nosedive94


  • Jim

    What happened to Dee Jaying? Speaking for the Hip-Hop community, if you’re not jockeying discs, you are not a DJ. Then again people my age would much prefer a song with bass dropping and “womps” than watching a fellow mix two completely different tracks on vinyl to create a whole new piece. If you’ve ever seen a real DJ do that, it is absolutely mesmerizing, and is much harder than you could imagine.

  • buba

    this shit would not fly in berlin

  • prisoner

    pic #9 NTYPE is a sick fucking djing

  • lolwut

    This would maybe work if you’re playing in pleb-tier clubs. Try being a laptop DJ in Fabric or the Berghain.

    • OK_ok

      lol Fabric are for dirty hipsters who can´t get into Mahiki, Whisky M or Groucho

  • taylor