Today, we live in a society with blurred gender norms. However, some men (insecure people like you and me) still seek to connect with their masculinity—their "manliness" if you will. But what is manliness, exactly? What makes up a real man?
Traditionally, "real men" have convictions, moral codes that they stand by: honor, pride, assertiveness, honesty. However, since you are a dickhead baby and embody none of these values, your best course of action is to, naturally, lie.
Lie about what, you ask? Well, everything of course. Lie about your appearance. Lie about your lifestyle. Lie about your name. Believe it or not, my real last name isn't even Rimer. It's actually Rhymes, but I changed it because I didn't want to associate myself with my estranged biological father, Busta.
Ahead, you'll find a convenient in depth guide of the best ways to fake your manliness in 2014, the year of our lord. If you follow these steps, you'll probably still be a little nancy boy, but at least you will have tried. And that's gotta count for something, right?
Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.