How Becoming A Dad Will Hinder My Swag

My wife of five years (what up, boo) and I are expecting a little bundle of joy at the end of April and I couldn't be happier. We've been trying for a little while and, even though all the practice was superb, especially when wifey was reading Fifty Shades of Grey and got all freaky and shit (what up, boo), the end result is what you truly bask in. And while I may be basking in the feeling of legitimate surrealism that I have literally created another human being from an activity I ever do so enjoy, there are some things that are going to suffer. My life will be all smiles (what up, boo), hugs and watching my seed grow up to undoubtedly become an asshole like his/her father, but the things that I will have to give up will not be met with the same affection. If all goes according to plan the following things WILL become an afterthought when I first lay eyes on my firstborn, but until then I've earned the right to be salty.

  • jay

    Oh Nick, you are so naive and wrong bro. Swag can get increased to another level when kids are added to tha mix. Cursing? Shit is way more hilarious when tykes are around. (until they are 2, then you need to watch out for copycats). Child excrement: think of the ensuing pantina on a pair of raws, namean? Also you can always just hide in the closet and tweet all day to escape the ruckus

  • Mr.Cufflinks

    This dude right here: could offer some sympathy. And by “this dude” I mean myself (because I like writing in the 3rd person).

  • Glenn TheSituation Danas

    This past weekend I ended up with baby poop, milk, macaroni, and sand/germs (from the sandbox) caking my Flathead x Self Edge jeans and Chauncey sweater, making me wonder if I should just rock J Crew and throw in the towel. So I think Nick generally has the right idea.