Meet The Human Ken Doll

The longer I’m here at Four Pins, the weirder my inbox gets. I’m pretty sure the subject line for the email linking me to this story about some guy trying to make himself look like a human Ken doll went something like this: “wow so wow”. WOW SO FUCKING WOW. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN THIS DUDE'S LIFE THAT THIS IS THE LANE HE CHOSE FOR HIMSELF?

Of all the dolls and action figures to choose, he went with Ken who is basically the Bruce Jenner of toys. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind living in a Malibu dream house, borrowing Barbie’s dream whip to go cruise for drugs with my friends, but I wouldn’t want to look like Ken. Homeboy doesn’t even have a penis. If you’re gonna go with a famous eunuch you could at least pick G.I. Joe. That guy has a badass scar and lots of guns.

Can you guys imagine if this is somehow a harbinger of the future? Like, dudes will be out here NikeiD-ing their abs and shit, getting all heated when the Flyknit oblique option isn’t available yet. Here’s a little tip for everybody reading this: JUST STICK TO TATTOOS. THEY MAKE YOU LOOK DIFFERENT, BUT DON’T REQUIRE SURGERY. SURE, PERFECT BICEPS AND PECS AND SHOULDER MUSCLES (?) ARE NICE, BUT THEY AIN’T SHIT COMPARED TO A PRAYING HANDS EMOJI IRRESPONSIBLY EMBLAZONED SOMEWHERE ON YOUR PERSON. From my limited experience, girls love dumb tattoos way more than a plastic abdomen.