The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Reboot Dream Team

The '90s were weird. Pepsi was clear, Shaquille O'Neal was a movie star and fat chicks were giving blowies to saxophone-playing world leaders. However, one of the strangest products of the '90s was the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Something about "teenagers with attitude" that fight giant cosmic demons (and are also color coordinated by race) really struck a cord with the American people.

I witnessed this anomaly first hand, most notably when I jumped off the stairs and karate kicked my Cocker Spaniel in the face because I thought I was the Red Ranger. Also, I'm pretty sure my mom got in a fight with a Portuguese lady at Toys "R" Us over the last Green Ranger action figure. One of them curb stomped the other while screaming, "KING KONG AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME!" I won’t reveal who it was, but let's just say I got the toy I wanted. Thanks, mom.

Recently, it was announced that Lionsgate is going to be producing a new Power Rangers movie. Naturally, I felt it was obligation to provide my expert opinion on the matter and come up with a dream team cast and crew. Because this is Lionsgate, the studio famous for the Saw and 300 movies, I am working under the assumption that this film is going to be gritty as fuck and Rated R. Just please God, no Zak Snyder.

P.S. I'm going to try not to sound racist. No promises though.

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.

  • Carver Low

    Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston.

    Shit, already racist. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • kingleeroi

      ding ding ding, we have a winnar

  • Michael Di Gennaro

    denzel x john williams descriptions had me dying

  • Optimist P Rhyme

    Well this was a retarded read. U obviously dont know squatt about Power Rangers. First of all, PR are TEENAGERS. Second, forget it.

    • mat

      yes, yes!

    • slyn

      u are right tho, whoever wrote this gave 0 fucks about the og show. and lmao, the white and green ranger are the same damn person! lol, i’m not exactly cool for knowing that but then again i’m not the one who wasted the day away writing some crazy article about it either…

  • blcklistd

    this piece is mad racist!!!!!

  • DD

    Brah good job. But score by Nino Rota

  • why

    I’ll take Brenda Song over Lucy Liu all day

  • NewGuy

    as racist as this kinda was the 2013-14 Lakers as teh Puddles had be rolling on the floor LOL!

    • upstandingblackguy

      That shit had me dying

  • mat

    they are so old to be PR…

  • Juan P.

    I think Van Damme could’ve been a great green ranger.

  • Mic King

    Boooooooooo this whole article sucked.