The Four Pins Guide To Attending A Wedding

Everybody dust off your cufflinks and get out your Hallmark Frequent Shopper card, spring is fully sprung and bitches are getting married.

Like the swallows of San Juan Capistrano, every year around this time young people flock to the same banquet halls and event spaces to witness their friends partake in the sacred ritual of Holy Matrimony. And like the priests of the San Juan Capistrano Mission, they do so by getting shitfaced in formal wear and dancing to “Too Close” by Next.

Are you feeling less than inspired by the prospect of another spring spent celebrating someone else's life decisions? Not terribly thrilled to toast to a union that will statistically end in divorce and anecdotally end in the crippling realization that life as you know it is over forever? Lighten up, guys! A wedding presents all of the makings of a fantastic evening, especially if you aren’t the one getting married. Let's go over some simple tips to help maximize the experience.

Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.

  • Jesús

    It’s San Juan Capistrano and its not an island

    • Steve Dool

      My bad. Getting it fixed.

  • SZMatheson

    I once went to a lesbian Jewish wedding held at a combination rare bird and cat collection/temple to the goddess Isis while wearing my Matheson tartan kilt and Prince Charlie jacket…. top that.

    • Themediabull

      I once went to a wedding where someone died of an heart attack at the party after.

      Top that.

      • Andrew So

        I was that person.

        Top that.