The Four Pins Guide To Spring Break

Cue the air horns and AK-47s and the random white dude that says, "Damn son, where you'd find this" and all that nonsense. The Original Don Killuminati of the Keyboard is back up in this thang. Your boy has been tasked to play the role of big bro on this one and shed the sacred light on you once again. This time I'll be discussing the how's, do's and, most importantly, dont's of spring motherfucking break. Some of you lascivious lil comment trolls prolly are already going, "Psshhh, this guy's sooooo corny. Dude is like crazy old trying to write a guide about spring break and shit."

I know you'd love to think I'm not knowledgeable in all realms of worldly everythings, but, after 31 life bullets on earth, I have accumulated numerous leather bound volumes of How To Get Get Get It. You really think you can book your trip and just stroll up to the beach with your Sharper Image lookin' ass boombox and a football and that's gonna turn into some wild jacuzzi orgy back at the telly? Pause yourself, Chaz Fratwave and listen as I dissect these real deal Holyfield spring breakizms into some shit your Family Guy torrent episode watching brains can comprehend.

Skip Class is a writer living in Seattle. See more of his work here and follow him on Twitter here.

  • Cloz Tode

    Amen on that sandals shit.

  • Zaner

    shouts out chi-o

  • Carlos

    LOL @ knock aqua socks. Bless, Skip.

  • human_beeing

    just downloaded the brick squad sample.

  • Cohesive & Co.

    Very spot on on the sandal argument.

  • El Zilcho

    The fuck? Yo, I’ve lived 30 minutes near a beach all my life, and if you’re the dude wearing fucking shoes on the beach, you’re a try-hard corny dude. Just like if you’re rocking cargo shorts…..ever. I wear my sandals to the beach then bury them shits in the sand until it’s time to go. I’m not trying to get sand all in my monkstraps.

  • Devin

    TOO funny but one thing… SANDALS ARE DOPE

  • Isa


  • Ronnie Taco

    Real Talk…you just hit on every point that we fucked up on, our first spring break trip. From buying weed, and having the cops raid on our homie, to getting serena williams braids on the beach for 10 pesos. Also, Fuck sandals, dudes should never wear them joints EVER!!!

  • Tj Matally

    “Aye yo ma, we finna run wild choo-choo on them cheeks, while my boy with the crazy capri sunburn throws nickels at your nipples in our rape room.” I LAWL’ED HARD.

  • SC

    so true with the sandals/shoes thing. And the scooter/mariokart shit sounds fun as hell!

  • rooftops and tunnels

    that renting scooters and damn near dying thing hits close to home. no helmets or experience required in miami beach.

  • Deaunte Shugart

    Get Get Get It played in my head when I read that

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