Yesterday, it was announced that Ben Affleck (Jersey Girl, Gigli) will be playing the role of Batman in the sequel to this year’s Superman movie, Man of Steel.
In an interview, director Zack Snyder described Affleck’s potential as the caped crusader using phrases like, “acting chops” and, “layered portrayal”, and then followed by saying “I can’t wait to work with him.”
The following list outlines why Snyder is a delusional boob, and why Ben Affleck should probably sit this one out.
Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.
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Matt Damon And Kevin Smith Are Not Involved At All
Let’s face it, the most bearable movies that Ben Affleck has been a part of also include either Matt Damon or Kevin Smith, if not both. When they aren’t included and Affleck isn’t directing, Reindeer Games happens.
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His Accent Is Unrelenting
In the Academy Award Winning Film, Argo, Affleck plays real life CIA agent Tony Mendez. Interesting tidbit about Mendez—he’s Hispanic. Naturally, Affleck felt it was the prime occasion to showcase his sick Boston accent. Might not go over as well with the Batman fans though.
Hey chief, I caught the fuckin’ Riddlah over there on Landsdowne Street—Heading to Dunkies now, you want anything or what?
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Bat Nipples Have Not Been Ruled Out
In both of Joel Schumacher’s visions of Batman, the world’s greatest detective’s sleek, tactical, Bat-suit wasn’t complete without a pair of erect nipples. Even if Ben Affleck avoids another Nipple-gate, he’ll probably end up with a detailed dong-sheath on the side of his Bat-suit’s inner-thigh, or something. Didn't you guys see 300 ? Snyder definitely has a thing for male nips already, so that's not a good sign.
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Zach Snyder Is Not Above Joel Schumacher
If Joel Schumacher can turn George Clooney into the worst superhero in film history, than Zack Snyder, director of abominations like Sucker Punch, is very capable of making a shit sandwich out of Ben Affleck.