Did you hear? Anna The Gawd Wintour just sat second row at Valentino. SECOND FUCKING ROW, YOU GUYS. In the grand scheme of things, who sits where at a runway show is pretty meaningless, but the hilarious thing about Fashion is that where you sit matters more than anything else ever in the history of the world. The rows at a fashion show clearly delineate who is important and who should just go kill themselves and call it a day. Granted, this story needs an important caveat. Ms. Wintour voluntarily gave up her seat and moved to the second row because the front row "became too crowded" according to The Wall Street Journal's Christina Binkley. You're fucking tripping if you though someone actually tried to assign Fashion's Imperial Leader a decidedly non-Illuminati seating assignment. No one has ever done that and lived to Instagram it, if you catch my drift. Anna simply did the normal human thing and just moved to the nearest, most convenient seat instead of remaining stuffed into the front row like an uncomfortable, decidedly not chic sardine. While you can obviously tell what everyone around her is thinking, we wanted to know what exactly was going through Anna's mind at the time.
1. anna
2. anna
"Everyone's making such a big deal out of this all, 'OMG, Anna's sitting second row!' I'd rather sit second row than have to be in actual, real physical contact with these barbarians. The front row at this fucking rodeo is more cramped than my first 4 bedroom penthouse apartment in Manhattan."
3. anna
"Who at Valentino wants to die today? I might just have that new intern—what’s her name—Jessica or something pedestrian like that? Yes, Jessica. I’ll have Jessica stab that cunt who kept asking people to 'make room for just one more person.'"
4. anna
"Who are these people who sit back here? I just thought they were paper cut-outs or something. I've literally never looked behind me before. Why do they even bother coming? I can’t see shit from here."
5. anna
"Damn, taking Instagram photos of runway shows is actually kind of difficult."
6. anna
"Just had one of our Senior Editors check Twitter for me. Of course all these basics are losing their collective shit over me sitting exactly 3 feet further back than I normally do. OH, YOU RESPECT ME, BRYAN BOY? Go take another selfie of yourself wearing lip gloss and pretend I give a flying fuck."
7. anna
"I see you, Eva Chen. You better not look me in the eyes or I will beat you to death with rolled up copies of that shitshow you call a magazine. I'll show you 'Lucky,' bitch."
8. anna
"What am I gonna wear tomorrow?"
9. anna
"This random sitting next to me must not realize I can see her texting her best friend: 'Sitting next to the Ice Queen herself!!!' SMFH. Bitch didn’t even use the crown or princess emoji. Ugh, just listen to me! I can’t even go six seconds without editing something. I really need to take some time for myself."
10. anna
"I only switched seats because I farted and wanted to blame it on Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis."
11. anna
"YOU WIPE THAT GODDAMN SMIRK OFF YOUR FUCKING FACE, CODDINGTON. I OWN YOU."