These New Balances Just Might Save Your Life

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The New Balance M980RX is the type of joint you wouldn't rock if they had an Adidas logo on them because Adidas is already over again. It's all good though, because they're New Balance, which means they are cool and edgy. I learned that from Tumblr.

These sneakers look like they're made from kevlar, which is pretty useless because anybody who shoots you in the feet probably wouldn't mind just, like, full on shooting you in the fucking torso. Maybe I'm wrong and wearing kevlar sneakers will save your life. I assume there are some pretty important arteries down there too. IDK LOL.

Okay, I just checked Norse Store and I can confirm that the M980RX is, in fact, not made out of kevlar, which is also fine. They may very well still be gun-proof, but I honestly can't say that with any level of certainty.

You should switch out your all black Flyknits for these. Flyknits stopped being cool, like, 6 months ago, bruh.

Moksha August is a serial Four Pins commenter turned writer. I guess you could say that he started from the bottom. Haha, that's the spot. You can follow him on Twitter here.

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