A Token Black Guy Retrospective: 10 Trends I Started In My Childhood

I'm not gonna lie to y'all, my childhood was dope as fuck. White girls loved me (still do, sup babe). I got to eat mad Dunkaroos and McDonalds and drink Ecto-Cooler because my parents loved me, but still despised me just enough not to care about my diet. And, most importantly, I stayed hella draped up and dripped out. Whether it was my folks making sure I wasn't going to school looking like a fucking space cadet and coming back with a baby carrot shoved up my urethra, or my black relatives copping the latest J's for me because all black relatives buy their nephews J's, or my white relatives copping the latest J's for me because all white relatives think their black relatives can't live without J's, which is totally racist and partially true, I killed it day in and day out. Which is why I make part of my living pretending I still do all over the internetz.

I recently got a bunch of back in the day pics out of storage to compare my 8-week-old son to myself of myself, which is a thing dads tend to do. As I went through these blasts from the past, it conjured up all these memories of my awesome ass childhood and my equally awesome ass fashion sense. It also made me realize that I'm pretty fucking sure I started some of the trends we cherish so dearly today—all by my goddamn self. Like, there's no way these trends just popped up without someone getting a glimpse of ya boy crushing it. And here we are, me showing them to you, so you can see what I'm talmbout and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, so someone will cut me the check I so rightfully deserve.