You Ain’t In ‘Nam, Homie

Boonie hats are like bucket hats' more intimidating older cousins. But don't worry, there's nothing intimidating about you wearing a fucking boonie hat. Whatever you do, resist the temptation to keep a soft pack crushed up in one of the straps. You ain't in 'Nam, homie. You're just fighting through the produce section at your local grocery store. Sure, it's intense when they when they mist the vegetables, but you gotta focus on the mission. GET THAT KOHLRABI AND GET BACK TO THE CHOPPER. AVOID THE GERIATRIC ENEMIES IN SELF-CHECKOUT AT ALL COSTS. PREPARE FOR PYRRHIC VICTORY.