“The Bergdorf Experiment”

I can't front, I love these 20/20-style "investigative journalism" pieces. This lady went undercover to test the thesis behind a Harvard Business School study that purports sales people tend to assign greater status to women dressed like slobs instead of women who are "properly dressed." The more deliberate the crappy dressing, the higher the status inference. To wit:

"To investigate this counterintuitive finding, I rolled out of bed one Wednesday morning and into Bergdorf Goodman, sporting sweats, hiking boots and a zebra-print beanie with dirty unbrushed hair underneath. Other noteworthy accessories: oversize sunglasses, a Venti Starbucks cup, a T-shirt with Abraham Lincoln holding a kitten on it and a canvas Trader Joe’s shopping bag. I kept my sunglasses on. 'I’m a celebrity,' I told myself. 'I have money and power.'"

LOLZ you dressed exactly like this girl I dated in Law School. She was horrible. Side note: EVERY TIME I GO INTO BERGDROF I'M GENERALLY SPORTING SWEATS AND HIKING BOOTS. But really though, you just dressed like an asshole. AND THEN ACTED LIKE ONE. According to this fucking story, when the sales clerk asked you to take off your sunglasses you refused. WHAT KIND OF WILD STRANGE BEHAVIOR IS THAT? And then, for your "rich lady look", you dressed like even more of an asshole and added an innocent dog into the mix.

"I now was dressed in a gray trench coat, black dress and black kitten-heeled boots. Notable accessories for round two: a Missoni wrap, a Louis Vuitton pouchette, a toy poodle named Mishka."

OF COURSE NOBODY WANTED TO HELP YOU. YOU WORE KITTEN HEELS. I FOLLOW ENOUGH BAD CHICKS ON TWITTER TO KNOW THAT KITTEN HEELS ARE THE HEELS OF THE BASIC. AND BASICS DON'T COP CHANEL.

Also, this isn't really an examination into the psyche of a high-end sales clerk. High-end sales clerks know real rich people don't need help spending their money. They just expect to immediately retrieve what they want and to be silent about it like any good help. THE WEALTHY OLIGARCHY CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH INTERACTIONS WITH THE HOI POLLOI. WHEN I WALK INTO SAINT LAURENT I KNOW WHAT I'M BUYING ALREADY. I DON'T NEED SOMEONE TO ASSIST ME. TAKE IT EASY, DEVON. I GIVE ZERO FUCKS ABOUT YOUR OPINION ON THIS SICK FIT I JUST PUT TOGETHER ON THE FLY.  RING ME UP AND MAKE SURE YOU FOLD MY OSTENTATIOUS SCARVES UP REAL NICE LIKE A GOOD LITTLE BOY.

For real though, the only thing that makes this entire "experiment" possible is white privilege. And don’t get all touchy with me, it's true. HOW YOU GONNA SIT THERE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE AND RECOMMEND WE WEAR HOODIES AND TIMBS AND SKI CAPS INTO BG? A black kid couldn’t even buy something at Barneys without getting accused of credit card fraud. You think he's gonna get better service wearing baggy sweatpants and a Trader Joe's bag? I feel like Jessica Williams would disagree with me.