The Best And Worst Dressed (And Most Heavily On Drugs) At The 2013 Emmys

Imaginative storytelling is thriving on television, but the Emmys still suck. This year’s ceremony was on CBS, which is—think about this shit for a second—America’s most-watched network. Yet, sadly, NCIS won no Emmys this year. Therein spreads the widening gap in modern television that makes the Emmys so weird: the space between the actual art taking place in the medium and the shit fed to old people by the decaying major networks. “Hey, America,” the Emmys say, “Look at all these great shows you haven’t seen because you can’t afford HBO.”

But there’s another troubling disconnect at the Emmys which makes it difficult as someone writing for a site mostly about menswear: that between the mostly gorgeous, competently dressed women and their sad, baggy male counterparts. In a perfect world you wouldn’t be allowed on TV if you couldn’t pick out clothes that fit, but that’s a world that only exists in Mad Men (solid fit being about the only quality to endure the show's now tired run.) Unlike the VMAs or Grammys, there weren’t even ridiculous outfits to comment on, just an industry leading blandness befitting of CBS. I would have fallen asleep with one of Doogie Howser’s musical numbers on mute if I weren’t staying up for Breaking Bad. But hey, Jewel was at the Emmys, so it wasn’t all bad. Fucking love me some Jewel. Let’s dig in.

Angelo Spagnolo is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. Read his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.

  • GDesq

    love the Lena Dunham comment. My wife is forever watching that wretch.

  • orlandopoliticsnet

    Blossom. Damn Straight.

  • Marcelo

    I watch Nurse Jackie, and it’s amazing

  • Cameron Douglas

    Don Draper is tight, you fucking goon.

  • Mark

    I thought this was about their clothes, and not throwing unwarranted insults towards the shows they’re there for?

    RE: House of Cards: If you heard the speech Kevin Spacey made in Scotland, at the James MacTaggart Memorial Lecture, on internet-only TV serials, and what he thinks on the consumption of TV – giving the viewer what they want, when they want without the bullshit – you’d know he took that role seriously. Research.

  • Emily

    Whoever wrote this seems like a fucking idiot who comments way too much on shows he hasn’t seen and makes irrelevant comments about their clothes. This was a waste of time reading.

  • Dr. Steve

    Bros, Angelo just wants us to know how cynical nonconformist Portland he is. That’s all.

    • Donatello

      The dream of the 90s is alive in Portland.

  • WAVY

    Wait, you did not watch House of Cards (which is the fucking troof) because ”it sounded boring” but you can tell its main actor did not take his role seriously? How old are you son?

    I felt bad for you when you caught heat for not knowing who Flying Lotus was (not that I fucking care about him anyway) but I must admit you make it mad easy for haters out here…

  • Proofrock

    “I attribute LL’s youthful glow to the energy that radiates from Chris O’Donnell as a result of being in the last good Batman movie.”

    Um, what?

  • Fernando Silva López

    So the guy who wrote this is the little bitch who didn’t know about Flying Lotus? No wonder this article sucks.

  • WolvesAteMyDad

    Have you ever heard a Jon Hamm interview? He’s the most fucking down to earth person in Hollywood. Even Complex wouldn’t publish a feature this poorly planned (or maybe they would….)

  • Angelo sucks

    He lives in portland. No wonder hes a uncultured dumb fuck

  • Charlie Jaco

    Wait did you guys just reveal the finale of Breaking Bad? As an international reader, not appreciated.

  • Tony

    “A SMALL FORTUNE” – Peter Dinklage slide. Fucking dead.