The Four Pins Guide To Lying About Your Clothing Addiction

Do you have a problem when it comes to buying clothes? It's hard to admit to yourself that you're a barely functioning jawnz addict. And believe me, I know. It took several years of denial and overdue credit card bills before I even began to even realize that there might be a problem. People were always all up in my business, asking me in accusatory tones, "You got another new shirt?" To which I always responded in a rash manner, "FUCK YOU. NO I DIDN'T. CAN I LIVE?"

These days, I acknowledge I have a problem. And it's BAD. But if I keep it together at work and do a good job hiding my addiction, like any other addict, I can still lead a fairly productive life. Sure, I can't always afford my cable bill, but I'm still draped in rare hemlines and my loved ones are foolishly led to believe that I've cut back on the shopping. How did I accomplish this feat of having my poncho and wearing it too? I've learned how to effectively lie to everyone in my life about my clothing addiction. Follow these instructions and soon you will too.

  • Nerd


  • adeezy

    fucking brilliant. I love/hate how accurate this is.

  • Sad Boy

    Down to a tee. My daily life struggle

  • Ken P

    I laughed and then felt depressed. My life is a bottomless pit of jawnz and debt

  • John Lugg

    I’ve been doing these things since 2009 and never realized it. Does Obamacare cover this? Are there many therapists even certified to deal with these problems? I am deeply distressed.

  • FUCCBOI 3000

    – I got this 80% cheaper on japanese auction!

  • Carver Low

    Vegan indignant is the new HIV-positive.

  • Mike

    hahaha man the keep things on ice slide is too good

  • Tyler

    i paid the minimum on my student loans this month, i deserve this.

  • patricia estrella

    ill shamelessly admit to all of these. slide 10 more than the average person.

  • Jam

    From El Paso. Need MORE El Paso jokes.

  • easystreet

    fuck, the part about sending screencaps to woolf and schlossman is too good. “u mad?” shit gets me every time