The Island Of Misfit Swag

I knew at some point I was gonna have to write about these fucking sandals with Vibram soles. NO, I DO NOT THINK VIBRAM SOLES MAKE THESE SOMEHOW COOLER. Fuck all y'all that like these joints. Unless, of course, Suicoke is tryna send me a pair. Then, on Instagram I'll be all, "Awesome! I got some influence out here in the Air Jesus sandal game!" And then I would dunk these straight in the garbage. I'm just kidding. I would never be that wasteful. I'd just put them on this filing cabinet that sits right behind the Four Pins brain trust at the Complex office. It's where everyone puts the free shit that is so wack they wouldn't even give it to their girlfriend's brother. Last time I saw that island of misfit swag, there was a DVD box set of Kirstie Alley's new show and I'm pretty sure some edible underwear. My only real concern with the S/S 14 rise of sandals? EVERY WHITE DUDE IN BROOKLYN IS GONNA TRY AND CALL THEM "CHANCLETAS." MERO, MAKE SURE YOU DON'T LET WILLIAMSBURG GET AWAY WITH THAT KIND OF SHENANIGANS.