Ivy Style just revealed the preliminary findings from a recent survey Allen Edmonds conducted with 500 women who make $50,000-$200,000/year about their opinions on men and footwear. First of all, congrats to Allen Edmunds for having the foresight to weed out any basic bitches making less than $50K. If you're an adult and can’t secure a 30 year mortgage I couldn't give two fucks about your opinion on anything, let alone my shoes. And while I’m not sure 500 women count as a reliable sample source, I’m more skeptical of Allen Edmonds being a source of anything we take seriously because they legit manufacture something called THE WILBERT COMFORT SHOE (pictured above). But, this is about girls and shoes so, dubious statistical reliability aside, let’s break down the numbers:
65% of women admit to insisting their man change shoes before going out.
In that case, 65% of women have bad taste in men's footwear.
Are you fucking kidding me, America? I don't think anyone ever has told me to change my shoes before going out. That would make for an awkward car ride to a romantic bistro considering I DIDN’T CHANGE SHIT. Unless, of course, you’re my sugar momma and one of the aforementioned chicks making 200 grand a year, in which case I will do whatever I'm told.
59% have bought shoes for their man.
Well, 59% of women need to get way better at buying shoes for their man based on what I've seen. Seriously, girls, if this survey is even remotely accurate you are openly admitting to making decent money and somehow still continuing to populate the planet with shoes from Aldo. VOLUNTARILY. I don’t care if you have a Roth IRA and look banging in some Lululemon joints, you have got to admit you very likely have terrible taste when it comes to our shoes.
12% have thrown his shoes out.
I would fucking murder anyone who threw my shoes in the garbage. And not because I fetishize my clothing to that much of an extent, but because I would resent the impossible sense of entitlement involved in such an act of unbridled aggression.
50% of the women said shoes reflect a man’s personality.
You better believe it, Ma. These shoes I'm wearing right now are amazing and my personality is as charmingly stupid as the tassels you see before you.
36% of the women said shoes reflect a man’s financial position.
YO, where is this enchanted 36% of women making at least 50 thousand dollars a year that are into shoes this much? If you judged my bank account solely based on my shoe collection, then clearly my great-grandfather helped discover oil in east Texas. If you actually looked at my bank account, then clearly I overpaid for an education that I use solely to make obscure references in blog posts about sneakers that I cannot afford. We all gotta find our own piece of this 36% and QUICK. A percentage that low means they’re already an endangered species.