Pharrell-Like Anti-Aging Superpowers

I looked at a photo of myself the other day and saw that I have pretty dark circles under my eyes. And that shit ain't even a tiny bit cool. I'm so fucking vain and, like, old people are so swagless. I mean, just think about your own parents. Your mom can't even get the lyrics to "Happy" right. That's why I, and you too, need to start considering using an under eye cream like this one from Ren Skincare. They say it uses all natural ingredients or whatever, but all I care about is if it will keep me looking like I'm in my early '20s until I'm, like, 40. Hey Ren, will this shit give me Pharrell-like anti-aging superpowers? Otherwise I ain't fucking with your booty product.

  • bongoblastee

    Damn, I mean ffs really Woolf? Really?

  • Lame

    Really dude? You could at least be honest about it when you’re being paid to highlight products on your site instead of insulting the intelligence of your readership.

    • Karl Barth

      agreed. fucking annoying.

    • Jake Woolf

      If we were paid to write about something we would come right out and say it. This post was not paid for. And plus, it’s a fucking eye cream. Chill the fuck out. Are you forgetting that I’m the guy who wrote this?

  • yep

    time to get a new writing staff lawrence, jake and jon are fucking up. this site is going down the shitter.

  • Mephisto

    how can you look like a boy and and old man at the same time?

    • Beanskino

      Inheritly swagless is how