Reviewing Tumblr's Horrendous 2013 Menswear Year In Review

Image via Complex Original

This post has thirty thousand notes. NOBODY WEARS TIES ANYMORE, YA DICK BAGS. AND IF YOUR JOB REQUIRES ONE AND YOU’RE JUST NOW LEARNING HOW TO TIE ONE YOU PROBABLY WORK AT MCDONALD'S.

Yo, this generic ass Warby Parker shot is a top post of the year? TUMBLR, YOU FUCKING SUCK. The actual best #menswear posts are obviously the ones with thick chicks wearing Jordans and not handsome dudes wearing spectacles.

Dope collar accoutrement, but what’s up with the fresh scars and top hat? I was gonna make a joke about the cigar, but, like Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

YO, THIS FUCKING COSPLAY JACKET HAS OVER FORTY THOUSAND GODDAMN NOTES, BUT THE PHOTO I TOOK OF TWO #MENSWEAR ILLUMINATI AT PITTI UOMO ONLY GOT SIXTY TWO?! SIXTY. TWO. FUCK YOU, INTERNET.

I don’t get this. This Lands' End rejected B-roll looking ass shit is a top post, but not even one Nickel Cobalt selfie made it? For shame, Tumblr, for shame.

LOLZ WUT?! Lakme Fashion Week? Bruh, they don’t even take New York Fashion Week that seriously in Paris.

Customizable T-shirt cuffs? TOP MENSWEAR POST OBVIOUSLY.

"The Gentleman’s Guide To shoes"? PUH-LEASE. NO TIMBS, AF1s OR AIR MAX 90s? NO CREEPER SOLES? NOT EVEN A PAIR OF COMMON FUCKING PROJECTS? PLEASE SON, THIS IS A GUIDE FOR BARBARIANS.

This shot is in every single struggle streetstyle photographer’s portfolio.

Actually, I’m down with this. No scars, so I know it’s all smoking and hot chicks that wear garters and pencil skirts.

Ah, En Noir. Finally, a photo that actually makes sense seeing as how ALL WE TALKED ABOUT FOR THE LAST HALF OF 2013 WAS LEATHER JOGGING PANTS. Also, how many of you explained who Virgil was to your girlfriend when you listened to that interview together?

I’m pretty convinced this is a Men’s Wearhouse ad.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

YO, THIS DOUBLE VEST COMBO FUCKERY MADE THE LIST TWICE. TWICE! I don’t have a joke at all. This fact simply stands as an indictment of an entire generation.

No one should ever tie their tie like this. NO ONE. Ever. Who invented this fucking maneuver? You wear a tie like this and anyone who compliments you on it will probably tell you that their favorite rapper is Flo Rida.

Evidently, 2013 was the year that people with no taste on Tumblr discovered what is called the "Eldredge knot". This fucking thing is on this list at least 3 times. I bet you’ll see this on Banana Republic mannequins in the first quarter of 2014.

So, I guess lookin' like a twee neo Nazi is the move now. The suspenders say, “My girlfriend dressed me.” The gauges say, “I got fired from Hot Topic for stealing.”

If Tumblr has taught me anything, it’s that exploiting your pets is the way to go. Menswear Dog still fucking sucks though. We're all about Menswear Doge around these parts. HOW THE FUCK IS MENSWEAR DOGE NOT ON THIS LIST? Much sus. So nepotism.

Evidently dressing like a male figure skater is cool. How many notes did that short essay you wrote on your relationship with your dad get? Like, fifteen? Yeah, this picture got fifty fucking thousand. Yeah, I'd probably kill myself too.

I feel like this is how every cool #menswear blogger would’ve turned out had they made exclusively poor decisions in their lives, outside of the initial, extremely poor decision of deciding to be a #menswear blogger.

You wanna know what the J. Crew look is? Baggy versions of cool clothes. THAT’S ONE FUCKING STEP. I'M OUT HERE SAVING YOU SO MUCH TIME. YOU'RE WELCOME, YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

DKNY really wanted the Beckham's for this ad, but they couldn’t afford their day rate so they got the strug version. Instead of millionaire Brits, these two live in Brooklyn and get in fights with each other while waiting for the elevator at SoHo House.

For real, not one photo of Daiki or Hiroki, but this dude who looks like he got kicked out of One Direction for having sex with an underage fan got 162,955 notes. Hiroki can raise price, but he can’t raise notes.

Generic ass tuxedo photographs are so hot in the streets right now. Probably because no one actually wears a tux, especially anyone who spends any amount of time on Tumblr. I mean, the closest thing to a tux I’ve worn since high school was a grey hoodie with grey sweatpants and a grey T-shirt.

Man, there are a lot of "fit guides" on Tumblr. But they always are for suits and shit. I need a fit guide for drop crotch pants. Exactly how much drop equals "I just shit my pants"?