Sometimes on days like today, when the sun is shining and people are outside smiling and I’ve had a full eight hours sleep and a satisfying lunch with interesting people and everything just seems right, I like to take a minute to reflect about the good things in life. I’m talking mostly about money, guys. Cold hard cash that I can throw in the air and then frantically pick up off the ground before anyone steps on it, so it’s still clean enough to roll around in on my bed later.
Whoever said money can’t buy you happiness is woefully misinformed. In fact, I would like to know the Instagram handle of whoever said that and tag them in a photo of me every 1st and 15th of the month grinning like a fat, toothless baby when I get paid. And then I would like to take them with me on a shopping trip when they can see exactly why money makes me so happy because it allows me to BUY THINGS. I love THINGS!
But, of course, like everything else, sometimes it also makes me sad. Namely, when I come across a shopping location or concept or “retail experience” that leaves something, if not everything, to be desired.
Since I’m only here to serve you—and yes, sometimes I do mean “serve you” in the dance battle sense, although not right now—I’ve outlined the ten saddest places to shop, so you can keep on smiling in the name of unbridled mass consumerism. As you should, since it's your god given right as a citizen of planet earth.
Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.