Thick Denim Protects Man’s Dick From Being Cut Off By Crazy Ass Wife

You know if this is the image a news outlet is using for a story it's going to involve drug possession and most likely a weird theft or assault. In this case, a lady tried to slice her man's dick off with a box cutter. YO, WHO WAS THE FIRST LADY TO CUT OFF A DUDE'S DICK? TALK ABOUT AN #INFLUENCER. Anyways, instead of getting his dick cut off, the dude in this story escaped with a cut on his thigh and some defensive wounds on his arms. What saved his junk? THICK DENIM. Yeah that's right, your fancy artisanal denim now has a real, actual purpose: to protect your dick from box cutter wielding chicks. Hopefully you don't encounter too many irate women with knives who want to remove your penis from your body, but I don't know you, so who's to say?

What did we learn today, kids? BUY 24OZ. PLUS DENIM AND MAKE SURE YOU GET THAT CROTCH BLOWOUT REPAIRED WITH THE QUICKNESS OR ELSE YOU MAY HAVE A CROTCHAL EXCISION PERFORMED VIA BOX CUTTER. In addition to being charged with multiple counts of assault, the crazy ass antagonist of our story was charged with marijuana possession, which means the homeboy not only almost lost his dick, had his favorite jeans ruined, but his weed stash was seized by the police. Talk about a shitty day.

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