Thuggies Are Officially The Worst

Yo, what the fucking fuck, Canada? You keep exporting bullshit like this and we’ll keep treating you like America’s disappointing step-sibling. I mean, “Thuggies”? I’m just gonna gloss over the not that subtle at all racism involved in naming your oversized hoodie a goddamn "Thuggie," because that is some low hanging fruit and we here at Four Pins pride ourselves for only shitting on the most worthy of being shitted on.

First off, OVERSIZED HOODIES AND T-SHIRTS ALREADY EXIST IN A PURE, LEGITIMATE FORM. It’s called buying a size too big. So, like, if you want to look awesome you can simply rock a XXL Hanes T-shirts. I don’t like that this company is actually trying to poke fun at the tall tee look. FUCK YOU, THUGGIES, the tall tee look is one of our rare universal truths. Skinny dudes and dudes that are super diesel both look good in tall tees. Also, a white T-shirt and jeans with some crispy sneakers is just what the doctor ordered most, if not all, days—funerals and weddings and brises not withstanding. So again, fuck you for your attempt at making fun of a particular style for profit. It’s almost like you're trying to clown on me for still bumping the "Ruff Ryders' Anthem," but you failed to realize THAT SHIT STILL BANGS HARD AS A MOTHERFUCKER AND I DARE YOU TO NOT BARK AT SOMEONE AFTER IMMEDIATELY HEARING SAID ANTHEM OF OUR GENERATION'S ROUGHEST RYDERS. Shit, just writing about that song is charging my gully meter up to full bar status.

Also, you get a negative bajillion points because I get the sneaking suspicion you called your dumb product a "Thuggie" to capitalize on the Snuggie "trend." You know what's worse than trend humping? Trend humping profiteering. You know what's worse than trend humping profiteering? Trend humping profiteering a dead trend. You do realize that your entire fucking business plan is focused on the longevity of the Snuggie's popularity. Do me a favor, walk over to the dude who runs the Forecasting Department and punch him square in his left testicle. Let me guess, your next product is going to be a zip up Booty Pop, right?

In summation, wearing tall tees from Hanes is not something that should be made fun of. Anyone who spends $85 dollars on this, even as a gag gift, is dead to me. Talk about an egregious gross misuse of funds. AND I SAY THIS AS SOMEONE WHO WRITES ABOUT THINGS LIKE $1000 BOOKS FOR A LIVING. I know this shit is totally marketed at white, overweight middle Americans who still think saying “getting jiggy with it” is fucking hilarious, but that doesn't make it right. Go ahead and keep lacing future generations of assholes in Thugglets because I guess if this proves anything it's that we've already given up.