Man, people are really working their apps off in the name of making stupid social networks. Mallzee, a new app for iOS, is basically Tinder for shopping, allowing users to swipe right for clothes they'd like to take home and left for clothes they don't. See what I did there? The clothing is filtered based on the style of garment the user is looking for, while the app learns a shopper's preferences over time. It aggregates clothing from over 200 online stores, including Urban Outfitters, Asos and Forever 21, which is either really great or really terrible depending on your level of taste.
Once you've chosen a jawn you would like to acquire, you can then share it with your friends who obviously all have Mallzee. But here's the real kicker: If they hate it, then you actually aren't allowed to buy the clothing anymore. What the fuck? I thought fashion was supposed to be about "individuality" and all that shit? Do people really need another reason to feel self-conscious? Plus, what ever happened to a good, old fashioned IRL public shaming for someone buying something terrible. Mallzee is on some next level conformist shit for sure. In their perfect world, every girl wears the same Asos jacket and Forever 21 skirt. Oh, what's that? That's already how life is? Oh, word, then why the fuck do people need this shit?
Even worse, the app has a "boyfriend feature", which allows a person's girlfriend to prohibit them from buying awful clothes. My girlfriend would literally block every single purchase I would ever want to make on this app like she was Dikembe Mutombo. That means no new Jordans, no hoodies with side zips and especially no man tunics. It also means I'd have a lot more money, but let's focus on what's important here, which is that Mallzee sucks ass.