H&M’s New Times Square Flagship Poised To Be Terror Dome Of Absolute Horribleness

H&M is opening a new flagship store in Times Square. EAT THAT, NEW YORKERS. You can’t look down your noses at us anymore. You have a 42,000 square foot mecca of crap gear in the same square that houses a Guy Fieri restaurant. AND YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT IT’S ALL TOURISTS AND NOT "REAL NEW YORKERS". THAT MAY BE TRUE, BUT YOU LET A BUNCH OF US YOKELS FLY IN AND TAKE A DUMP ON YOUR CITY. CRONUTS AND HIGH-TECH H&M’S? FUCK OUTTA HERE, MY DUDES.

And this isn't gonna be the only one. In total, the company is looking to pull a move straight from your dad's Monopoly playbook with two other locations slated to open at later dates. A 56,000 square foot monstrosity on Fifth Avenue and a whopping 63,000 square foot steaming pile of shit at 1 Herald Center are on deck.

Could you imagine being a designer for H&M? “Avery, we have a store the size of IKEA to fill up with actual articles of clothing that can be sold for less than $5 dollars.You went to Parsons, right? This should be easy for you.”

The WWD article keeps referencing how "high-tech" the new flagship store is supposed to be, but all it mentions is, like, a bajillion LCD screens and mannequins in cages and shit. Oh, and probably iPads or something. iPADS AREN’T HIGH-TECH. MY FIVE YEAR OLD COUSIN HAS ONE OF THOSE.

This place is gonna be the terror dome of absolute horribleness at 12:01am Thursday with Lady Gaga who will be wearing, and I quote, "some semblance of H&M" and shopping at the store for a few hours. Do you guys think she’s end up punching a fan for some of the Marant collab?

  • Melissa Henderson

    Funny you always DOG H&M on this site. When I guarantee you over 80% of your following shop there.

    • HL Merkin

      Melissa Henderson = (M)elissa (H)enderson = MH = H&M = SHE’S A PLANT #falseflag #reptilians

      • Melissa Henderson

        Lmao. . Dude that’s my govt. Don’t think to hard bro.

  • OK_ok

    Hating on Times Square is the biggest “I-moved-to-NYC-2-years-ago-and-now-I-call-myself-a-New-Yorker”-cliche move.

    • JB

      No one likes Times Square. Tourists don’t even like Times Square. They just need Facebook pics. NYer for life or NYer for 3 months it doesn’t matter: lights, people, and the worst- comedians, are stressful no matter how long you’ve lived here.

      • OK_ok

        I agree it sucks but it´s a total cliche to bitch about it. Tourism is besides a huge fucking deal for NYC and should be warmly welcomed (especially when your country already is in the shitter financially). You think your cool Meatpacking clubs and fancy SoHo boutiques would be doing so well if it wasn´t for newly rich Asians spending a fuck load of cash?

  • Nathan Phipps

    Props to H&M for occasionally throwing us #budgetbros a bone, though. PS, y’all, they have fitted sweatpants for $19.95. Granted, there is no $250 zipper and button to stunt– only lamestream drawstring closure– but you can just rock your girlfriend’s scarf around your waist to luxe that shit up.