H&M’s New Times Square Flagship Poised To Be Terror Dome Of Absolute Horribleness

H&M is opening a new flagship store in Times Square. EAT THAT, NEW YORKERS. You can’t look down your noses at us anymore. You have a 42,000 square foot mecca of crap gear in the same square that houses a Guy Fieri restaurant. AND YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT IT’S ALL TOURISTS AND NOT "REAL NEW YORKERS". THAT MAY BE TRUE, BUT YOU LET A BUNCH OF US YOKELS FLY IN AND TAKE A DUMP ON YOUR CITY. CRONUTS AND HIGH-TECH H&M’S? FUCK OUTTA HERE, MY DUDES.

And this isn't gonna be the only one. In total, the company is looking to pull a move straight from your dad's Monopoly playbook with two other locations slated to open at later dates. A 56,000 square foot monstrosity on Fifth Avenue and a whopping 63,000 square foot steaming pile of shit at 1 Herald Center are on deck.

Could you imagine being a designer for H&M? “Avery, we have a store the size of IKEA to fill up with actual articles of clothing that can be sold for less than $5 dollars.You went to Parsons, right? This should be easy for you.”

The WWD article keeps referencing how "high-tech" the new flagship store is supposed to be, but all it mentions is, like, a bajillion LCD screens and mannequins in cages and shit. Oh, and probably iPads or something. iPADS AREN’T HIGH-TECH. MY FIVE YEAR OLD COUSIN HAS ONE OF THOSE.

This place is gonna be the terror dome of absolute horribleness at 12:01am Thursday with Lady Gaga who will be wearing, and I quote, "some semblance of H&M" and shopping at the store for a few hours. Do you guys think she’s end up punching a fan for some of the Marant collab?