Lets All Make Fun Of Necks & Balances, The Worst Thing We’ve Seen On The Internet Today

We'd like to think our readers have learned a thing or two about dressing after visiting Four Pins, since you know, we are the undisputed, heavyweight Pharaohs of this style shit. In light of that minor ego trip, it's with due diligence that we present to you the most wildly affected men's accessory we've seen today. Yes, some genius logistics guy 'invented' what is essentially miniature pieces of double-sided tape to hold your pocket square and sleeves in place and wherever the fuck else you can stick it. We actually get paid to make fun of nonsense like Necks & Balances, so excuse us while we earn our incredibly meager paycheck.

"Because the only thing worse than trying too hard is trying too hard to try too hard."

"Like the Velcro on a pair of Teva sandals, but lamer."

"Perfect for holding your junk in a prominent place when you're wearing trousers and want to peacock."


"Great for making sure that expired condom in your wallet never slips out of place."

"Hold your accessories together, while the rest of your life falls apart."

"League approved safety regulation for the full contact sport of buying drunk chicks bottle service."

"Fire shots across the seemingly random bow of every askew pocket square in range."

"The guy who invented this is an 'image consultant.' That's like a personal trainer who invented Hot Pockets."

"The Kryptonite to everything you've ever regretted buying on Gilt."

"Donate money now to kick-start your celibacy."

"Pledge $80 or more and receive that handjob Debbie Thompson still owes you from 8th grade."

"Court ordered for menswear nerds on house arrest."

"Fully endorsed by moms who lay out their sons' outfits before the first day of school."